Not Good to be Alone ... Maybe

So this afternoon, I left my leadership course, walked out into the mid-afternoon sunshine of the London autumn and found a coffee shop. I quickly got an iced caramel latte and made my way back to Russell Square and found some nice dry leaves to lay down in. Picnicers, students chatting, women reading, men smoking and chatting, even lovers cuddling in the sun under the tree branches surrounded me. Squirrels and pigeons wandered around, meandering from group to group.

As I settled down and got out my book, the light breaking through the trees just took my breath away. The most verdant, translucent, and yet solid green--so alive, so vibrant, with these yellow dried leaves covering the earthy park floor. Everything both seemed at rest and full of life... my soul just cried out to praise the Creator, and I let out a little squeak, and I wished I had someone there to share the moment with... "Remember that afternoon in Russell Square?" I would say, and lean into him, and sigh.

As some of my past posts have pointed out, there are very few times when I really long for a boyfriend, partner or husband. Usually it happens when I need someone there to help me, like Wednesday, when I had parent's day and came home too exhausted to do anything but grab McDonalds and eat it in bed before passing out. A husband would have been lovely then, to have dinner ready, and snuggle with me a bit, maybe give me a backrub, and make me tea to sooth my sore throat, raw from talking all day.

But today, today was quite different. I didn't need anything. I simply wanted to marvel in God's splendor with someone.

Relevant Magazine has had several articles on singleness, some better than others, but this one by Max Dubinsky (which sounds like a fake name, doesn't it?), really made some sense to me in 2 key areas:

1. That being single means a commitment to a sexually (physically and mentally) pure life--it essentially means that our sexual desires and needs aren't met outside of marriage, the way God intended it... sigh.

2. That being ok with being single is important and that in God's timing, He will enrich our lives with a partner

It particularly struck me when he recounted the account in Genesis where God decides it's "not good" for Adam to be alone. Adam went through quite a bit before he got Eve... he'd had a good relationship with God, he'd named the animals, he'd worked in the garden... and God saw that Adam needed some companionship... and he gave Adam Eve.

Today, sitting in the park, marveling in God's splendor, I wanted someone to share the moment with and that phrase came to my mind, "Is it good for me to be alone now?"

I don't spend all my time pining for a boyfriend or feeling really lonely. Most days I go out into London and people watch and read and wander and I feel so free and exuberant. It was only today that I looked around for someone to relish the sun's rays dancing on the fallen leaves with, and that ache for companionship started to gnaw at me. I felt God answered my internal squeals of joy with a quiet whisper. I felt His presence there with me as I was wallowing in His beauty. I know God is all I need. I'm quite happy with God being the most important man in my life (and father and mother and girlfriend and lover and leader and friend), but I felt something else too... something rising up in me wondering whether or not, just perhaps it's not good that I'm alone and maybe God's getting ready to put me to sleep and steal a rib, so he can bring me my Adam.