Letting Go

So I run a pretty fab team of ESL teachers at my high school. We have good times, have lunch together frequently, like going to parties, get pretty good work out of the students. We've got routines. We've got team work. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses.

So when one of my best teachers informed me she was going for a job interview, I felt my heart drop into my kidneys... it was not fun.

I felt extremely torn. On the one hand, she's my friend, she'd fabulous and any institution would be lucky to have her; on the other hand, tears of sadness sprung into my eyes at the thought of her leaving, not to mention all of her skill, experience, and expertise - she would be difficult and expensive to replace.

Let's be honest - I could have been a complete jerk. Threatened her with giving a bad reference. I could have refused to let her take off work with pay. I could have done a lot of things. But part of training and mentoring my team members should mean that one day they go off and run teams of their own, right? Doesn't this simply mean I've done my job well?

The other not-so-small twinge of doubt that also sidled into my mind told me that maybe my image of a happy and whole department was an illusion of my own making - maybe my department wasn't happy and I haven't done a very good job at leading and mentoring them. #shock #horror #dunDunDUN!


So how do I broach that potentially very awkward conversation?

The only way I know how to move forward in situations like this is just to be as honest and genuine as I can be, showing both sides of my mind and be open and candid. I didn't want to use manipulative, emotional pleas. I didn't want to be a tool. I didn't want to worry about our department - people have come and go before and we've moved on, yet I also wanted to make sure she knew how valued she was in our department.

While everything worked out - the interviewers and she decided they didn't want each other - and she also let me know before the interview that she was happy on our team (other family concerns prompted the application), I can't pretend that I'll work with the same team forever. I had to let go of many things to do the right thing - trying to control this situation would have spat on a good team member and definitely broken up the team bond we have.

While I don't want to sound like I'm patting myself on the back, I'm glad I had the integrity and heart to be honest and vulnerable, and in a sense, be weak as the situation transpired. Even if it doesn't turn out the same way in the future and I 'lose' a great team member, knowing that I'm doing right for them personally, professionally, not merely thinking of change as a threat, makes me feel as though I've grown as a leader.

It's sometimes a long, lonely road - leading a fairly high-functioning team in a difficult school - but I love the challenge and I love the ladies I face the challenge with. It's as much my responsibility to do right by them than as to do right by our performance tables.

Ok, good talk, guys! 

"The Best Way to Fight Terrorism: Education" - One Interview with Malala

I won't bungle this blog with a lot of words. I hope you've seen the interview Malala did with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Besides the great irony he shows with his NJ joke, he does sit back and let Malala do most of the talking.

On being asked about how to end terrorism: 

"I think education is the best way.... Going to school isn't only learning about different subjects. It teaches you communication; it teaches you how to live a life. It teaches you about history; it teaches you about how science is working and other than that, you learn about equality because students are provided with the same benches, they sit equally. It shows us equality; it teaches us how to live with others - how to accept different languages, how to accept each others' traditions and each others religions. It also teaches justice; it also teaches respect. It teaches us to live together - that's why I support sending children to school because it's the best way to fight terrorism." 

Once again, the invisible, unofficial curriculum wins.

The Hidden Curriculum

"Was not Jesus an extremist for love?... The question is not whether we will be an extremist, but what kind of extremist we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or will we be extremists for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or will we be extremists for the cause of justice?" ~ Martin Luther King Jr. "Letter from Birmingham Jail" 

Today was a bad day in the classroom... Not behaviour. Not lack of work. Not even poor uniform choices... It was lack of PASSION.

Sometimes I think that my students are like wind up toys that have been stuck in a box for a few decades. Like they are big kids at the edge of the diving pool, but then turn around and jump in the paddling pool...

Now I'm all for some lazy river action, but there are times I want the crazy tornado water slides...

Oh no, not these kids... it's like they can't see outside of their very limited twitter feeds.

Today I'd had enough. I don't think I yelled, but I was indignant. The thing is... I care about them waaaaayyyyy too much. They have suuuuuuucccchhhh potential and they just can't seem to grasp basics like time organisation or how to prioritise assignments or how to stop checking their facebook on their iphones in my lesson. One day... it's gonna happen in my classroom...

But besides phones and ipods and whatever else... I want these kids to feel something in their day to day lives. To be passionate about something. To "live deliberately" as H.D. Thoreau put it... To care about things and people and not just lived blinded by their own bubble. I want my students not just to care, though, if we're being really honest. I want them to be warriors. To be brave enough to go out into the unjust world and try to make it a better place, even if they fail, even if they are laughed at, even if it's soul-crushingly difficult. I want them, as MLK Jr. put it, to be "extremists for love".

I got home from work, made a sandwich, and slumped down on the couch, where I've had a copy of Jonathan Kozol's On Being a Teacher sitting untouched for a while. While I thought his book would be a memoir on his teaching experience, and I suppose you could say it is, it's basically a bomb to blow up the machine that is the public school system. He ravages against the mediocrity of "professionalism" that teachers have to adhere to and the "indoctrination" of children through "the system". It's pure genius! I'm glad I'm not the only teacher who feels like she has to hide her rebel soul in the staff room and recant data and information "on message" to inspectors and colleagues. I'm glad that he's been angry about this since 1981, technically before I was born, and that people have felt a deep dissatisfaction with the "traditions" of public schools since then.

Teachers seem to be people who want and expect more out of people... We will pour our guts out for you if you come along with us and improve. We will tirelessly improve ourselves in order to inspire you: "seldom rewarded in any way at all except perhaps in the one and only way that decent teacher ever find reward: in the gratification of a difficult job well done and in a very basic kind of dignity courageously upheld."

No, I don't think teachers crave fame and fortune, but we are miniature dictators in our own rights. If I think everyone should share, by God, they share in my room. If I hate your nail polish, off it comes. If I see your phone, it's mine, mine, mine (at least till the end of the lesson). But, to be honest, those aren't really the things I care about... I live for the moments when we discuss music on youtube, and debate current affairs ("Is Bin Laden really dead?"). I want them to prove me wrong about Percy Jackson by their intelligent comments on the text, and see that look in their eyes when they realise they've mastered a skill they couldn't do last year, or last week, or hell , yesterday ("Can anyone remember how to conjugate the present perfect tense? How about adjectival phrases to make complex sentences? Well done! They can also be called appositives!") I want to see them surprise themselves with the extent of their imagination and the skill of their rhetoric. I want to see them connect to characters and feel with them, writing passionately in their defence (even if I disagree). I want to see kids who never thought they could, try and try and try, even if they still don't succeed. I want them to grow into passionate, intelligent people of integrity and conviction.

The most valuable thing I learned in teacher training was that if I wanted to see something in my classroom, I had to teach it...

"The hidden curriculum... is the teacher's own integrity and lived conviction. The most memorable lesson is not what is written by the student...; nor is it the clumsy sentence published (and "illustrated") in the standard and official text. It is the message which is written in the teacher's eyes throughout the course of his or her career. It is the lesson which endures a lifetime." ~ Jonathan Kozol 

Here's hoping...

Teaching with Integrity

Today's post isn't actually about high stakes testing... it's just about testing. I'm the Head of an ESL Department and ESL exams, by the stringent UK exam standards, are quite lenient. They can be taken and retaken at the pace of the learner, as long as different versions of the test are taken. The Department Head monitors the student marks, the teachers' marking, and has everything organised and ready when the Verifier comes in to check the department.

Ergo, there's no reason for us to cheat. If kids don't pass, they can study and retake the exam.

Yet today a staff member casually commented "Well, you could just use a black pen and change something, couldn't you?" ::blink blink:: "No... No I could not."

I couldn't not because it's physically impossible. The authorities won't check the timestamp on the ink on the exam... I have black pens... I could do it.

But I can't... I can't because I have integrity. I can't because it isn't good for my students...

1. It isn't good because kids need to learn how to fail. The more I teach, the more I see the same pattern: if you do your homework, ask for help when you need it, show up to school on time everyday and give it your best... 99% of the time, you pass. Hard work is what's needed in school, not super brains, amazing technology, or even 1-1 tutoring. 
2. It isn't good because IF students pass without earning it, they will merely move to a more difficult class they are completely unprepared for... #useless 

There are days when I'm heart broken because a really hard working student hasn't made it. Yet somewhere deep down inside my head and heart I know that they will be better people if they can pick themselves up, dust off the grime of failure, and give it another go. If they learn nothing else except courage, the value of hard work, and honesty in my classroom, I'll be rich in success indeed. 

Taking it Personally: My Take on Education

If I were a polar bear... 

I am tired. Like, for reals... I can barely feel my arms and legs... a haze sits over my head as though I'm at a rock concert, but there's a bucket full of honey over my head... It's exam season, which means: Saturday classes, constant knocks at my door for more revision work, constant questions, some hand holding, a lot of affirming, some shooing away, lots of chocolate and coffee, a few jokes, and underneath it all the underlying torrent of whatiftheyallfail!? whatamigoingtodo?!

I've been wondering of late if I need more of a life... if I care "too much" about my students and (maybe) my school... Few people who spend probably the same amount of time at work talk about work as much as I do...  Getting Ems to talk about her office is like bleeding a rock... same with my other 2 housies. Friends at church... "yeh, it's hard. I had a good day. We went for drinks..." etc. etc. etc. A few friends in the medical field, keeping within confidentiality bounds will share concerns, but... I LOVE telling stories about my students. Their odd facial expressions... projects we're working on... jokes they made... things they've done well... concerns I have for them... I LOVE THEM (within the bounds of teacherly-student affection, of course).

No for real, I have the privilege to work with some amazing kids. The thing is, it's really hard for me to hide it.

Like, they KNOW.

Like, on a near daily basis someone says "Aww Miss, you know you love us..." and I sheepishly grin because I TOTALLY DO!

hahahahaha (google image search: cry with joy ftw!)

I love coming up with fun projects and weaving in reading and writing skills. I love exploring stories and finding new texts I think they'll like. I love to stare out at my class and see them pouring over thesauruses, furrowing their brows over some writing, encouraging and helping one another with a particularly difficult bit of their story, a troublesome word. I love reading their work and seeing that they are improving (I nearly CRIED a few weeks ago because some of them are doing so well), I love seeing them mature, learn group work skills, improve their diction, increase their vocabulary, stretch their imagination, come up with original ideas. I love seeing them try to impress me, and then, I love seeing them try to defy me... to challenge me, stand on their own 2 feet, think for themselves... I love the look they get when I've done something particularly silly and they're trying to work out how I can be an adult AND be just a tad odd and ridiculous.

And I feel so JAZZED about my lessons and then I read the paper and my heart falls into the bin because someone is saying something again about pensions and how teachers will have to work till they're 120 and how the Head of Ofsted said "Teachers don't know what stress is"...

If I have legs and teeth when I'm 120, I'll gladly work. I can't afford to pay into a pension, so I'm not even worrying about that... I've lost track of all the recent education fads that I have to do or I'm a bad teacher (fads are just that... they're so quick they can't even spell fade appropriately)... And Wilshaw is right when he gives his examples of stressihaven't dealt with, like:

"Stress is what my father felt, who struggled to find a job in the 50s and 60s and who often had to work long hours in three different jobs and at weekends to support a growing family..."
"Stress is what many of the million and a half unemployed young people today feel – unable to get a job because they've had a poor experience of school and lack the necessary skills and qualifications to find employment. Stress is what I was under when I started as a head in 1985, in the context of widespread industrial action – teachers walking out of class at a moment's notice – doing lunch duty on my own every day for three years because of colleagues who worked to rule."

Iwouldjustliketopointout that these are examples of things he faced as a head teacher... I am not a head teacher. I did not sign up for that job. I do not want that level of stress. So... no, Wilshaw, I have not dealt with the stress you or your dad did, but... that is your cross to bear, not mine.

However, I also agree that:

Teachers need to "roll up their sleeves and get on with improving their schools, even in the most difficult circumstances.... What we don't need are leaders … whose first recourse is to blame someone else – whether it's Ofsted, the local education authority, the government or a whole host of other people."

Blaming is BORING... no one wants to hear it. I completely agree.

Yet, this statement seems harsh, demanding, and not really helpful. Every school context is different... there isn't a magical solution, but "just do something" also doesn't seem so helpful. I'm the A* student in class with my hand in the air... I have IDEAS! Pick ME!

Firstly, I think that while "teachers' salaries were at a record high and that they had more power, independence and resources than ever before," we don't FEEL free...

I sense a really strong feeling of rebellion in most schools and among most teachers. They feel tied down, they feel restricted "If I had my way..." They have department and school protocols, they have exam and course deadlines... they have exam texts (not gonna lie, I HATE the GCSE English texts)... Every extra poem I showed them (as a starter or plenary) to help them "analyse" poetry, I felt like a rebel "They'll finally see some FUN poetry! WEEEE!!!"

A few years ago, I had to run around school and gather information from students and I saw a lot of classes "informally" and it made me realise that most classes on any given day, were both learning and rather informal. This emboldened me to adopt an "open door" policy. Come on in, any day and hang out with my class. You might not see anything on a IWB, or a formal powerpoint, or even a formal lesson plan... but you see contented students diligently working away, debating, reading, analysing, writing, drafting, revising, proving, evaluating--You will probably also hear me doing a voice, acting out something, singing, and maybe even a dance party... maybe... if you're lucky...

The thing is, I'm not really scared of Her Majesty's Inspectors, not because I think they will give me OUTSTANDING... I'm pretty sure they won't... because I know the kids learn and are having a pretty good time and I care about them. They'll be ok. I organise some programs, I write some curriculum and resources and manage a department... It's a lot of work. My lessons aren't outstanding, but they're good enough for the kids to be learning and having a good time. Would any pedagogists want to weep at the inspiration, maybe not (until they see how my ESL classes do CODEWORDS! Oh yeah! Booya! Betcha didn't see THAT ONE comin!)

The second thing I think is that in spite of all the stress, all of the deadlines, all of the planning and photocopying and marking and the stacking and unstacking of books... we need to make sure we're enjoying our classes and our students. Tell a joke. Marvel at their smiles. Notice their haircuts and broken hearts. Smile at their odd imagination, their quirky doodles. Tell it to them straight. Show them you SEE THEM... you see when they're ON IT and when they're drifting. Be IN the classroom with them... WITH them, not just in front of them.

I know it's crazy-stalker-mom of me... but I NOTICE when they're shoes are untied... I notice haircuts... I notice if they're pale or fidgety. They SEE that I notice and they know I care about THEM. Not just their marks or their learning, but them. Teenagers are mostly a jumble of potential, talents and emotions all mixed in with their own bag of issues. We get to square off every day with our agendas, emotional, personal and professional... and somewhere in this odd push and pull (tango? tarantella?) of education, people change. Not just the kids tho, I change too.

The students aren't the people who ruin my school for me... I quite enjoy most of them... it's the adults who don't act like adults... I'm sure these people ruin work places all over the world, but students shouldn't have to be more mature than their teachers... for reals!

Finally... teaching has it's own learning curve. Learn your style. Make mistakes. Adapt. Grow and develop your authority. Presence. Own the atmosphere of your classroom. Own the potential... When I first started teaching, I never noticed the chatter, now, a stray whisper has me shushing (unless it's group work). Before, I took up maybe 10% of the classroom... now, that space is MY DOMAIN! Enter if you want to learn. Create the positive energy around you.

The thing is, it's hard to do that if you aren't mentored or tutored or if no one shares stories and ideas with you. Maybe teachers talk so much about teaching because we're so used to collaborating ideas and getting feedback and consolation for the times we mess up. If you feel like you can't make mistakes, your learning curve will look less impressive. "With failure we learn. With success, not so much" (Meet the Robinsons).

TBH, I joined education because I loved books... not because I loved children. But the children were so awesome I couldn't help but love them. My first failure was thinking that that didn't matter. And as Donald Miller wrote "When somebody loves us... they will make us what we are" (Searching for God Knows What). Perhaps my best set of ammunition in the classroom isn't an IWB (hahahaha, as if), or new books (hahahaha) or amazing lesson plans... Maybe I can love them into better young people, love them into making progress, love them into believing in themselves, standing up to peer pressure, and thinking for themselves... I have no ed psych data to back me up. As far as I know there isn't a study on this. I just know that my students are awesome. I'm very busy. And we have a lot of fun. And somehow, they manage to learn.

Lent Reflections: Calling

"By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn on high will break upon us to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide our feet to the way of peace." Luke 1: 78-79 

John the Baptist... he was a complicated man... he like eating locust and wearing animal skins, he didn't drink, and he spent most of his time looking quite wild and baptising people by rivers. His parents were very old, and he didn't have any brothers or sisters, so, all in all, he became the very peculiar only child, by Jerusalem's standards.

Yet time and again friends and family will get words of knowledge for me about this man or other prophets like Jeremiah (my mom), and Ezekiel (oooohhh dear).

So many friends I know WISH they had a calling... they don't feel guided into things, they enjoy stuff maybe, and I don't know how to talk to them about vocation since they didn't go to Messiah College and have it ingrained into them... it's difficult stuff how some people just get jobs in the village fishing with their fathers and Jesus just comes and asks them to come with him, and others get prophesies about their births and their parent's get strict rules about their names and they feel led into things their entire lives.

But the thing about being the "dawn on high" to "give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death," is that you have to go sit in the darkness. And you have to talk to those who are in the shadow of death, and you have to realize that without Jesus in your life, you are those people... sometimes you are even with him...

One of my very particular character traits is that sometimes I can be really stubborn. Usually I'm pretty go-with-the-flow, but sometimes there is something I will dig my heels in about and never, ever let it go...

When I was a little girl, probably 2-3 years old, my parents wanted me to eat the vegetables at dinner and I didn't want to. So after being threatened and begged, my dad, very authoritatively, says "Eat your vegetables or you get a spanking." In my small child brain I weighed the costs/benefits of eating these vegetables and quietly got down from the table, walked down the hallway and got my dad's belt from the closet and brought it to him saying "Daddy please beat me."

I often wonder if Ezekiel's parents have similar stories... Ezekiel 3:7-9
"The house of Israel will not listen to you, for they are not willing to listen to me; because all the house of Israel have a hard forehead and a stubborn heart. See, I have made your face hard against their faces, and your forehead hard against their foreheads. Like the hardest stone, harder than flint, I have made your forehead; do not fear them or be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house." 

If that isn't a gifting, then I don't know what is... and knowing that God is giving me a similar gifting... well sometimes it feels like a blessing in a curse. It also feels like something I should put on a dating website or a resume (Can be incredibly stubborn at times...) Lol. Stubbornness or as some call it faithfulness or as others call it stick-with-it-ness is not always considered a virtue. In fact, even Stephen Dubner on Freakonomics talks about how sometimes it better to "fail fast" or "quit early" instead of getting rigged in and going down with the ship slowly but surely (The Upside of Quitting). 

Still, in any community, someone needs to be the foil... someone needs to challenge the status quo and stubbornly drive things in a different direction when needed, even if it's uncomfortable or annoying. Sometimes, saying the truth makes you unpopular... as John the Baptist knows... but that's a prophet's calling, for better or for worse, to say what God says... and so often, what God says can be exactly what we don't want to hear or do or say... 

My current job is often challenging and often I think "yep, time to pack it in..." But I know the lives of young people are being changed. I know futures are brighter. I know that things are bit by bit shining brighter, like dawn might be coming (or maybe just some bright stars)... I know that even if I don't feel like a bright star or a lamp, I probably am one and when God says to stay that I have to dig my heels in and stay, even tho I want to bolt. 

When I think about teaching at a posh grammar school where there are minimal behavior problems... I always imagine Welton Academy in The Dead Poet's Society where tho everything seems to be in order, boys are dying (on the inside and out). I know that grammar schools are probably lovely places to work, but in my heart, I love working with slightly more disadvantaged communities and schools. It is a blessing and a curse. 

I guess that if God has made me to be similar to the skin-wearing, locust-eating teetotaller, John, then I can handle it, or the destruction-prophesying Ezekiel, then I can handle that too... 

Whether you feel like you just float along or not, whether you feel like you were made to do something or not, God's given us each gifts, and some of these gifts may not seem like gifts all the time until we're in situations where we need to use them, and then we shine, whether we think we do or not.  

Unofficial Curriculum

Today there are no quirky images... today there only words... 

It has been a very emotional day in the classroom... on days like this, I feel like I've given everything to the wonderful teenagers who grace the desks lined in the rows that never stay in straight rows in my classroom. 

Today, I probably wasn't a very good teacher, because I ditched the lesson plan on narrative writing when my year 11 girls came in upset about boys... it's a small class, an all girl class, and we had girl time today. Today, it was all about the "unwritten" curriculum, because with 80% of young women being sexually assaulted between the ages of 14-24, and the rates of emotional, verbal, physical and domestic abuse sky rocketing, someone needs to tell them that they don't deserve to be sworn at, hit, manipulated, or called names. They don't deserve to feel like they're being "traded in" for "better girls". They don't deserve to feel like they aren't pretty enough, or cute enough, or sexy enough... as though 15 year olds should be worrying about being sexy, anyway. 

Today, I did one of the hardest things teachers can do, I told them about me... I opened up to them and let them know some things... like, that I haven't had tonnes of boyfriends, but they have never called me names like "bitch" or "whore" or "slut"... I've never been hit by a boyfriend... I've been respected. Sadly, I can't say the same for them, and I've outlived them by more than a decade already. 

I told them that, while story books try to tell them to be princesses, men don't always fight for you... sadly, it's true. Men can be incredibly strong mentally, emotionally, physically... but they don't always use it for you, sometimes they use it against you. You have to fight for yourself... for your self esteem. You have to fight to love yourself, because sometimes you are all you have. 

That's not a sad thing, being strong and, as Adele sings it "standing on my own two feet." I told them being strong is not the same as being bitchy or mean... strength is knowing who you are when everyone isn't sure... strength is living out of love and kindness everyday, despite adversity, cause life is hard and messy. 

I told them that they deserve to be really loved, but that if things don't work out, it's ok, cause marriages are about building a life together and working together for the same things... if you find out you aren't working for the same things, it's better to end it, then to push till someone can't take it anymore. 

I told them I'm not the same girl I was 5-6 years ago, the first few times past boyfriends and I talked about marriage... I like who I am now more... I know was for the best, breaking up... It's better to be single than in an abusive relationship... it's better to be single than with someone who makes you feel like crap... 

The best response ever was that they asked if they could come back and have coffee with me when they went away to sixth form cause I "tell them like it is." 

Part 2... "Don't be an ass to my students"

I spend an inordinate amount of my time with young people who tend to think quite lowly of themselves. They might be a bit mouthy, but at the end of the day, they're terrified they're going to get it wrong. What? You ask? Almost everything... they live in the fear of other's opinions. 

So when another adult comes in and calls them disgusting and tells me how horrible they are, screams at them, and basically says they're all thick, I get really angry, at the adult. 

No one wants to be told those things... no one deserves to be talked to that way... and I don't understand why some adults feel the need to basically verbally abuse children. I'm getting so mad writing about it, I just have to go... 

Groundhog Day... is not alone...

So in class today, I educated my international students on Groundhog day. Usually my English students stare at me in disbelief... "So... you're telling me that Americans think fat rodents can tell the seasons?"... umm yes, and it's awesome.

Instead, my Polish and Lithuanian students said, "Ah yes, we do the same in... Poland and Lithuania...only it's a... a... (they were looking for the word beaver)... (awesome motioning of fangs, to mean the teeth).

Really?

In Lithuania, they supposedly use a hedgehog... "the one with spikes Miss... (showed them picture of a porcupine and I got Nos, so then pic of a hedgehog went up to cheers from the Lithuanian students.)

I'm somehow really glad that the US isn't the only country that tries to guess the weather by using rodents... and here we thought we were all original or something. Then again, maybe they were messing with me... but until then, I'm going to believe news crews in Poland crowd to wooded rivers to see if the family of local beavers will come out of their dams, see their shadows and scurry back inside... 

Being a teacher is not like other professions...

here's why:

"Hey, I have something to say to you, man! I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person, that’s just weird and it freaks me out! And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. I hate your pants suit, I wish it had ribbons on it, or something to make it just slightly cuter! And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart, and tough, and strong! I am almost done. I’m about to go pay this $800 fine and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!"

enough said... have a good evening.

Authority: The Roman Centurion

 I'm a teacher. I spend most of my day with 12-16 year old young people... trying to teach them, inspire them, guide them... Most of the day, I have the authority. I get to tell people what to do. I get to set the rules and dole out the discipline (positive and negative). I look the part. I have the big desk. I stand at the front. But one of the most amazing thing I've learned from teaching is that authority isn't just having the big desk or having a different dress code. Having authority is about responsibility and faith more than maybe anything else.

In this amazing story, Jesus pops into Capernum and immediately encounters a Roman Centurion. I tried to find a good picture online, but most of them look like this, and are a bit laughable. I think it would be something like walking into town and having a member of the SWAT team run up to you with a stun gun or something. So, this man's servant is dying and he asks Jesus to come heal him. And when Jesus agrees, the Centurion says something remarkable...

Matthew 8: 8-10: The centurion answered, ‘Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only speak the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one, “Go”, and he goes, and to another, “Come”, and he comes, and to my slave, “Do this”, and the slave does it.’ When Jesus heard him, he was amazed and said to those who followed him, ‘Truly I tell you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith."

The Centurion took responsibility for his servant. This servant was probably the only family he really had. We've all (hopefully) seen Gladiator. Maximus had his faithful servant who went to war with him. His wife and son were in Spain, waiting for the Roman wars to be over, but on the road, and at home, his servant went with him everywhere and was his entire life. His servant would tend him if he were wounded, clean his clothes, take messages for him, give him advice... his servant may be the only family he had if he weren't married.

Centurions, as their name implies, were commanders of 100 men. They were responsible for training, for welfare, for the rations men got in war, of who got medical attention. Centurions were responsible for the lives of their men. If something didn't happen, or did happen, or both, the men AND he would be punished, since he was their leader. There were no fingers to point elsewhere. There were no accidents. It was his responsibility.

Still, he says he is "under authority," as though it's something he both has and is subject to. He has to keep his men in line because of the officer he works under, and ultimately the Emperor and the gods. The Centurion saw in Jesus that he had heavenly authority over illness and disease. He saw that Jesus could make anything on earth his footstool. His authority recognized Jesus' authority.

(In our day today, I think we find it very difficult to recognize true authority. We seem to equate it with popularity or sometimes prowess, but true authority seems very different than this to me. Our society questions authority, which is not bad, but it questions it without seeing it. It questions it blindly, dismissing it, much to our own disadvantage.)

So how does faith factor into it all?

The Centurion has faith in his men... in my mind, this is one of the biggest factors of owning your authority. Believing his men could complete an order once given was part of the force that make it happen. There is something about the confidence and the essence of a person who trusts that their orders will be followed. They may ask nicely, but everyone knows it is a command, and everyone knows it must be obeyed. From orders as small as opening a window to completing homework to relaying secret messages and attacking enemies in battle, the momentum of our conviction of our wards, our men, our students, whomever... that momentum propels obedience forward.

My students are fairly fragile when it comes to confidence.... isn't it the case with teenagers much of the time? Sometimes they don't believe they can learn iambic pentameter or how to understand the abstract motifs in texts, I have the faith for them. I believe that they can learn. I believe they will learn, if only they keep working at it.

This confidence, this faith and responsibility held in balance synergizes to make an entirely different kind of energy in people... an authority which people can feel. When used properly, this authority helps people feel safe, but it also inspires people to be better, to work harder, to follow orders appropriately.

Jesus' authority, of course, is divine. Everything is under his feet. Everything is subject to him as the King of the Universe. The thing is that the Centurion could see this. He believed it, he believed in Jesus' authority as much as his own.

It may sound very 90's motivational-speech-ish, but how little do we believe in ourselves, or in what Jesus can do? In the midst of our trials and triumphs, is He the King who's making the world his footstool? Are we claiming the authority Jesus has given us as co-heirs in Christ? Do we own Jesus' authority and ours? Or do we complain and bitch, but do nothing? Or do we sit passively when we could be victors? Or do we try to make it on our own (very limited) steam?

I don't think I've adequately covered everything that can be said about authority, or how it can be used to everyone's disadvantage... but I think I've grasped onto a glimpse of what Jesus' authority could mean for  our lives, or our own empowerment, for our community, for our world.

Beyond the Classroom: Teacher effectiveness, Parent involvement and Abuse

For a while now teachers have been under very harsh scrutiny because of the educational deficit. Students aren't learning enough. Students aren't ready for college. Students are failing out. Students are dropping out. Students are getting kicked out. And this is obviously the teachers' fault.

I have no problems with the idea that some people are bad teachers... I've seen them. I've had to train them. I've been frustrated by them... they're out there. I understand.

I also have no problem with teacher's, or anyone in a job, being held accountable to a professional standard. I don't think school inspections are wrong. I don't think teachers shouldn't be scrutinized, or anyone else in any profession for that matter. Everyone should be held accountable for the work that they do and make good money doing.

I also think everyone is frustrated. Everyone. Parents. School districts. Leadership teams. The government. No matter how research goes at the equation, there are flagrant holes in the way education is done, in the way we can use scrutiny to improve the educational process and product, and in the way we engage with students and make the best possible future for them.

With that premise, I would like to propose that perhaps teachers be released from the prison of scapegoat in this equation. Of course there are bad teachers, just like there are bad businessman, bad waitresses, bad politicians, bad valets, etc. Not everyone is good at their job... it sort of goes to show, doesn't it?

I would also like to emphasize how important parents, community support, and family support is in the educational process. A friend recently quipped that schools might give out report cards to parents.

This article, highlights the importance parent's play in their children's education by being involved in their educational lives.

“Monitoring homework; making sure children get to school; rewarding their efforts and talking up the idea of going to college. These parent actions are linked to better attendance, grades, test scores, and preparation for college,” Barth wrote. “The study found that getting parents involved with their children’s learning at home is a more powerful driver of achievement than parents attending P.T.A. and school board meetings, volunteering in classrooms, participating in fund-raising, and showing up at back-to-school nights.”

"The kind of parental involvement matters, as well. “For example,” the PISA study noted, “on average, the score point difference in reading that is associated with parental involvement is largest when parents read a book with their child, when they talk about things they have done during the day, and when they tell stories to their children.” The score point difference is smallest when parental involvement takes the form of simply playing with their children." 

We all know children need good parents, but sadly, in my experience as a teacher, parents are more and more passing the buck when it comes to student performance. But this goes far beyond just doing well in school, many students seem to be in no psychological state to even be in school because of things going on outside the home.

I've had students sit in my class and quietly cry every lesson, distraught at personal issues. When I investigated, the student was in therapy and having counselling, so my highlighting the issue didn't go anywhere.

I've had students go through therapy and counselling but not have that stop the horrifying situations at home. "I just need to talk about it to someone to let it out." This student said this because he didn't want to continue self-harming.

I've had parents come to back to school nights drunk. I've had students come in reeking of drugs because of the homes they live in, not because they are users (we had them tested). I've had students talking about the men their mum's have over (because they're prostitutes). I've had students talk about drunken fathers getting into fist fights with their teenage sons. I've had female students confess their sexual abuse by uncles, neighbors and family friends.

I've had students taking care of younger siblings while running back and forth to the hospital, caring for terminally ill parents.

Beyond the issue of student performance and parent's "being involved" in student education, what do we do (besides follow procedures) when we see that significant personal issues are keeping our students from achieving? How do I teach them how to analyse a text, when my heart is breaking from their circumstances and what I really want to teach them is that the horrors they're living through are not their fault, that they don't deserve it? Do I really believe that education can lift them out of their circumstances? In this razor-edged job market, will they have a fighting chance even if they pass their exams?

Where is social services role in all this?

In the US and the UK, the divorce rate is upwards from 33%. Many students grow up in very different households than we think of, in situations many of us cannot imagine. Focusing on family relationships, discipline, integrity, and hardwork is more important than ever.

As a teacher, I think my work is very important, but I think a parent's role in a young life is so much more significant. If we can find ways of supporting communities, of coming alongside families, of breaking the cycles of abuse, of supporting family counselling, parenting classes, of providing atmospheres of celebration for the family is really important.

I can't help but remember that in ages past villages were designed around the church, the school, and the market on the high road. The school was a central point in the village in it's placement and importance for community affairs, not just a place to send kids for the day. Think about it...

Keep Your Eyes to Yourself

So thankfully no one has actually tried touching me at work... but I'm sick and tired of random men in work "giving me the eye" in front of my students.

Today while having a chat with a male student in the corridor, random TA who I've never even met walks by and oogles me and student notices: "Miss, that teacher just looked at your bum..."

::awkward::

"It happens."

In this situation, anything I say sounds awkward. Anything. Because my student doesn't oogle me or say anything, actually, most of the students are very respectful and gentlemanly.

But I'm absolutely appalled at the behavior of these adult men. How are they setting an example for the boys if it's obvious they can't keep their eyes away from my "lady parts?"

For those of you who disagree with slutwalks, you can rest assured, my dress is professional and maybe even a little frumpy... there is no dirty librarian here.

I just find it obnoxious that 15 year old boys with raging hormones can manage to look girls in the eye while their adult counterparts eye f*** me in the corridors...

Passion

"Passion rebuilds the world for the youth.

It makes all things alive and significant." 

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can't decide if I'm a person of passion or not... I know I have a lot of passion, but passion, implies, in my mind anyway, a near obsession with something. Consider Saint Paul (who, if you know him, you'd know he was a zealot... passionate, pretty much to a fault.) 

Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on...

A few years ago, being a person of passion was explained to me as being a person of one thing... striving forward towards a goal, which may have many facets, but one aim. I can't decide if I am passionate about anything without adding in my loves of other things into it.

For example, I love literature. I love reading and learning. So... could you say reading and learning is my passion... well... when a girl, I became obsessed with reading science books. I read every book in my library on the animal kingdoms, which lead to me thinking about animals which didn't exist anymore... so I switched to dinosaurs and paleontology, which lead to archaeology, which lead to Egyptology, which lead to Greek and Roman mythology, which lead to the classics... etc. etc. etc.

Most of you are probably just thinking me a total nerd at this point... totally justified, but stick with me.

So, some of you may know I became a teacher... and all throughout those uninspiring education classes, teachers are meant to say they are "teachers of children"... They are meant to love young people and want to change their lives. I admit, it was there a bit, but I really loved literature. I wanted to show everyone how much literature could change their lives... I had a soapbox, and a classroom could be my podium.

But the funny thing is about working with young people, working to help them become little adults... is, that when you are serving people, they change you.

I started becoming more interested in learning theory and adolescent psychology. I became interested in legals issues around parents and carers, the psychological and sociological effects of education on life's circumstances and vice versa... I became somewhat obsessed with finding ways to take the sometimes horrific contexts these young people find themselves in, and try to turn them into opportunities for them to not only better themselves, but change their communities for the better.

I'm still in love with literature, but I'm more in love with it because of it's ability to increase empathy, to inspire, instruct, and encourage through the words of authors, through poetry, through imagery, through struggling through rock bottom situations with characters.

But this desire to help students has also made me want to help their communities, to learn about their families, to want to know more about counselling and psychology, to want to know about how to set up and work with non-profit organisations and set up community organisations that work with the government and with NGOs...

In my heart, one passion leads to another which leads to another. Nothing seems focused. My brain, my heart are two giant title-waves swallowing everything... they're Scylla and Charybdis. My appetite for knowledge never stops...

But I think one thing has changed since I started teaching 5 years ago... my heart. I am now focused on loving other people with my job and fighting for them, serving them, cheering them on, mentoring them... I think about what I can give, how much I can offer, and not just what I'll get or how great I'll be considered when I do give.

I may get too distracted to ever become a teacher-author, or the Founder of an amazing Educational Charity, or run a grass-roots community project... but I think here and there will be kernels of my passion spread abroad and hopefully a few of them will take root and make a difference.

Here are some things Writer and Literature have taught me that I carry around with me in my back pocket... If I'm running around seeming scattered... you know why ;)

"What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?" ~ George Eliot

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Elliot

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." ~ from "Ulysses," A.L. Tennyson

Hide and Seek in Education

Rarely will I post about my teaching experience, but this week has just been too good to pass up.

There's a boy in my 10th grade English class, let's call him Dennis.**

Dennis has been trying to get me to play hide and seek with him the past few lessons and I find it hilarious, in a disturbing way.

After homophobic racist behavior, I usually ask him to wait in the corridor while I write him a pass to visit another class for the remainder of our lesson. This is when he likes to start making the hide and seek references: "Well, I'm going and you're never going to come find me, so I WIN and YOU LOSE!" He throws down his pencil, slams his chair under the desk and struts out not unlike an infuriated drag queen.

::blink blink:: "He thinks I'm going to go looking for him..."

Leggers is a common game among school boys... they LOVE trying to get teachers to chase them around school buildings.

The thing is, that I don't actually dislike Dennis. I wish I could find a way to help him calm down and focus so he can learn. I wish I could get him to focus or even look at the pages of the text while we're reading in class.

He is terribly funny sometimes, like Yakko Warner on crack. But I fear that this evasive "showy" escapism is merely a ruse to avoid having to feel like he can't read or calculate and that he doesn't think he could even if he tried.

In my experience, whether it's blatant rudeness, the silent treatment, or merely disappearing, the children who act out in the classroom tend to feel so unconfident about themselves that they are too scared even to try.

There have been moments in my life where I was anxious and worried about my achievement, how I looked academically to my peers, but even if I fell on my face, it didn't paralyze me. I realize when I look into the attitudes and behavior of some of my students that I have never felt the fear that some of them feel on a daily basis, and I just hope I can figure out a way to help them over it.

Thoughts? 

Found "blog" from when blogs didn't exist 2

This dates from 2006-2007 before I moved to London:

"I often enjoy the freedom that comes from a full tank of gas. Thirty dollars spent, but O the possibilities! In my little Saturn, a full tank of generally means about 300 miles of cruising before needing to refill. Usually those miles take me to work and home again, the grocery store, to church, to visit friends, to pick up take out, but every time I see the hand up at F on the gas gauge, I think that maybe this time I'll head out for Saskatchewan or the Mexican border. Not that I could make it to those places on one tank of gas, but once I'm 300 miles into the trip, why not go the other 2000?

"Oftentimes I view life as a full tank of gas. Sure, I could drive toward being the next great novelist, war journalist, PhD candidate or world traveler, but more than likely I'll be a teacher, get married, birth some children and maybe finish grad school, and I definitely wouldn't be alone. Many people I know seem to have "I wish I would have" stories and "I should have instead" dreams that they share with me as we wait in line at the grocery store, the pharmacy or the bank. To use a financial example, it's simply easier to spend $100 in $5 increments ("It's only $5) than it is to slap down $75 on something more valuable. Similarly, it's easier to drive 10 miles to the video store to rent Bridget Jones for the umpteenth time than to drive 40 miles to the beach or state park. By the time we get ourselves ready to launch out on our great excursion, we already need to refuel, we make an excuse, and our very well-intentioned "I'll do it tomorrow" never comes.

"I work in the school system and nothing is so exciting and depressing as working with teenagers. Such dreams! Such potential! So full of promise! Yet it seems that more and more young men are flunking out of school and more girls are getting pregnant and dropping out. College is getting more expensive and I watch as dream after dream burns out like children's eyes when they no longer believe in fairies.

"I don't know if it's bad parenting or video games or increasing laziness or entitlement mixed with early burnout, but teenagers seem to know less and less what they want, who they are, and what they believe in. They don't seem to be able to distinguish between folly and something really worth working for. Whenever I assign any kind of assignment I brace myself, waiting for the withering sighs and unending questions while students calculate exactly how little they can do and still pass. Often I am accused of being too hard on them, of expecting too much; it breaks my heart more so when these remarks come from parents and fellow teachers. But rather than only breaking my heart, it makes me exacerbated; at this rate, the only thing young women will be able to do is impeccably apply lip gloss, (hopefully) avoid pregnancy, and barf themselves into a size zero! Our young men will know the intricacies of street racing and pirating music, but incapable of correctly writing a business letter or maybe even reading an age-appropriate book.

"But worst of all, the imaginations of the next generation seem to be sapped dry. Don't get me wrong, they can be witty if they need to crack off a dirty joke and can design the hippest myspace page around, but ask them to read a book without first viewing the movie or consider a painting and their minds go completely blank. It isn't that kids today are incapable of attention to detail and higher level thinking, it's more that their thinking is wasted on whether or not their bangle earrings are the diameter of their thighs and if their rims light up in unison.

"And the sad thing is that as much as we stare blankly out over these groups of teenagers as if they are rare breeds of mold that spontaneously spawned on our shower curtain, these children and their attitudes and lack of interest and ambition are our fault and our responsibility to change. As much as we would like to look the other way and imagine that these children must have played too many video games, must have had abusive mothers or absent fathers, as much as we want to blame it on lack of structure or religion and feel glad that our children will never be like these spoiled brats--we lie to ourselves because though children are products of their parents' combined sex chromosomes, they will also be a product of the society in which they grow. While we can control the other 1/2 of the genes our children will inherit through mate selection, it takes everyone in a family, town, country and world to change society, the community, the world village that our children will grow up in."

You can totally tell that I was a new and hopeful teacher.... sigh...

Cultivating a Culture and Love of Reading

Across the UK and the US a reading crisis has been pronounced. US students aren't doing well on the PISA, and many young people in the UK leave school unable to properly read.

Tempers are hot, especially with budget cuts happening, and everyone wants to know: whose fault is it?

Everyone also wants to blame teachers. In fact, an entire debate in the NYTimes was dedicated to this very topic. But as Francesca Burns has written, in most of the countries who do well on the PISA, teachers are trusted and respected professionals whose opinions and advise is sought and followed. Stephen Krashen, educational researcher, has also pointed out that the countries who did best on the PISA have the least amount of poverty, or select students to take the exams, unlike the random draw in the US. In the UK reading crisis, the boroughs with the lowest reading ages are also some of the poorest boroughs with the most council estates in London. The media was quick to point out that some boroughs are getting better results than others, which leads them to believe that it must be the teachers' faults... they aren't working hard enough to get results out of the children.

Now that last statement sort of offended me as a teacher. I don't see my students as animals that I train to get things out of them. I see them as developing minds who will go through different processes as they learn.

Malcolm Gladwell, author of Outliers, also found in his book that students from wealthy parents do better not because they get extra help, but because even on school holidays they are surrounded by education and information be it trips to museums, educational camps, or merely the kinds of magazines, newspapers and books laying around the house.

Each term I meet with the parents of my students and we set targets... this is a tedious task for everyone and the problem most tedious is that rarely are the previous targets met. For example, several students have the task of reading every night for 20 minutes. Some kids read the newspaper, some read books, some read to younger brothers and sisters, but few actually read ever. Their targets sit in their organisers and mock them, waiting to be taken seriously.

Because most of my students don't like reading.

This in and of itself sort of shocks me. I might be a bit different, but I taught myself to read when I was 3. When I was 4 I went to pre-school and threw a fit during ABC lessons because I could already read. So my teacher set me in a corner and gave me books while they did their lessons.

My greatest challenge as a teacher is helping kids to read because I never struggled to do it.

The thing least challenging as a teacher is showing kids how much I love reading and learning.

Many thinkers in the UK believe that children need to be aware of their learning and their targets and so inspectors will ask students what they need to do to improve.

I feel like this is really unnatural and very unchild-like. Children learn by discovery and by learning to love things. Children learn by being amazed by the world around them and listening carefully.

So many of my friends tell me stories of the books they loved as children. Books about babysitting adventures and school mysteries, books about naughty boys running away, books about fairies and monsters and super heroes.

Each child has something they love that catches their attention and their heart and won't leave it. Children want to read the same story before bed each night. They want to watch the same dvd over and over. They want to wear the same clothes because they love them.

The most shocking and least surprising statistic about the UK reading crisis is that children don't read at home. Most shocking because I can't imagine a home without reading, but least surprising because I teach them and I know they don't read at home and probably their parents don't either.

That's why the problem isn't teachers focusing on functional literacy... it's teachers and parents, it's the community developing a love and culture of reading. Whether or not you need to read to pass a driving test or fill in a mortgage contract... no one wants to do that kind of reading. Reading should be about things that grasp our minds and hearts and don't let go...

At my first school in NJ, I taught a class of students who had failed English. At the beginning of the year, one of my students looked at me and said "Miss, when you read, you can see everything in your mind, can't you?" And I realized that they didn't have this ability... something that came so naturally to me, had never happened to them.

After going through Othello, Modern American Poets, Of Mice and Men, and a few other short novels, at the end of the year, when only half of them had completed their research papers (laziness runs deep and is very hard to overcome) some of my students were reflecting on what they'd learned and smiling said "Miss, I still don't like reading, but I could totally see the hurricane sweeping away Janie in the flood in Their Eyes Were Watching God"... my eyes swelled up with tears. I had taught them something, something that would enrich their lives forever.

They may not develop a deep and life-long love of reading, but they WILL be among the many who say "The book was better because I didn't imagine it like the director"... a skill so many take for granted.

Cultivating a culture of reading goes beyond confidence or skill... it's helping parents and kids alike engage with books and build relationships around reading. Reading often and together, celebrating good books (cause lets face it, some of those beginner books by Accelerated Reader are LAME)... (this will have to be another post)... taking trips to the library, reading as a family, and building up a love of learning.

Students who love reading and love learning are not just those who are good at it, but those who find the process enriching, fun and valuable. So lets make reading and learning enriching, fun and valuable... not tedious, boring and target based... because those things are definitely not child-like...

Outstanding Teachers

At the moment there's a lot of drama and debate going on over education policy, educational management, staffing, budgeting, curriculum and teacher quality. Everywhere I read about OUTSTANDING teachers... we need to recruit outstanding teachers, train outstanding teachers, become outstanding teachers, hire outstanding teachers.

Does anyone else see the irony in this? Yes, as a teacher I want my students to learn well and I want to work hard at what I do. But, what makes someone "outstanding"?

In the UK where I teach, OFSTED, the Queen's educational inspectors have a grading system that includes unsatisfactory, satisfactory, good, and outstanding. Frequently, though there is a rubric to determine what makes a lesson outstanding, observers will say "well, the lesson just didn't have that magic" --- MAGIC?!

In a recent press conference by the President of the US, Obama said we need to train and hire outstanding teachers...

In a NYTimes article, it mentioned recruiting outstanding young people to train to be teachers...

The term outstanding means you stand out because you've got sparkle, pizzazz, and a flair that isn't something that can be moderated or taught.

The best teachers are creative, know pedagogy, know and love their subject, and are respectful and authoritative.

Yes some of these things can be learned, but most of it needs to be developed over time.

Still, some of these teachers have not gotten an Outstanding based on OFSTED criteria... and should they care?

Not everyone can be outstanding... especially not recruits... since they are just beginning training.

We never here this irritating adjective thrust upon other professions: outstanding engineers or doctors or lawyers, outstanding artists or musicians or customer service representatives or waitresses or editors... no... it's an honor to be deemed outstanding, not the basic requirement of one's job!

People work for years to have the reputation of being outstanding and yet student teachers are ticking boxes and aiming for outstanding observations.

Is this a realistic or fair expectation for teachers, especially young teachers just developing their skills in the classroom?

Should teachers tick boxes in the classroom for a reputation at the sake of actual learning?

The idea that one size fits all for classroom learning and lesson planning needs to be debunked. Some US States have been analysing the use of student success data in rewarding and judging teacher job performance is weak and very limited. If nearly as much effort went into training and managing teachers with a positive outlook rather than a "you'll be sacked" outlook, you'd end up with more creative, happy and successful teachers, rather than a profession continuously being blamed for the downfall of the US students' college readiness and failure at tests and SATs.

Policy makers like to make changes and sign their names to things that change teachers' jobs and students' experience of the classroom and in a few months make more changes. Anyone who has been in a classroom understands the difference between the philosophy and the practice. I encourage those trying to make these changes to remember that these changes are still the only chance at an education these students are going to get, and their success or failure is as much your responsibility as it is the teacher's or their parents' or theirs.

So, are you doing outstanding work? Or are you just mandating it of everyone else?