The Sun Always Rises

Living in London it gets dark fairly early in the winter and stays dark till mid-morning. Because of my ragged commute, I tend to cycle half of my morning journey and leave around the damp, dark, and dewy time of 6:30 am.

Let me just say that I am categorically not a morning person. When my alarm goes off at 6 am, a part of me wants to die instead of jump into my cycling clothes and hit the road.

But most days, once I'm actually on my bike with the wind flying through strategically placed vents in my helmet and the clouds are marbled against the usually grey London skyline, I can't help but enjoy my super early morning commute.

At first, I loved it because it seemed like all of London was asleep and I alone was awake and cycling across the city, off to face the adventures of an English teacher in East London. But London doesn't let you feel lonely for long. As soon as I make it into the park near my house, I usually pass a few pre-dawn dog walkers and other early commuters,

Every Wednesday one residential street means I'm scurrying through a jungle of shoulder high dust bins avoiding the bin men. By the time I reach Deptford I can't even hear my headphones from the cacophony of traffic.

By the time I cycle through Greenwich University, down the residential streets, past the early morning stone carvers, the delivery vans, and the recycling dump trucks at the industrial site by North Greenwich station, I'm more than happy to park my cycle and join the flux of weary morning travelers sipping their coffees and burying their heads in their phones and papers.

I might occasionally become petulant at my early rising and long commute, but feeling the fresh air (and rain) on my face as I quite literally watch the moon set and the sun rise feeds a part of me in a way that sleep doesn't. And as much as I would love a one person (me) cycle road all the way to work that is straight, not too hilly, scenic, but not in the sticks, and just long enough in all weathers... seeing everyone else up and about, slowing making their morning with me every day keeps me humble, patient, and going to bed early.

Ok London... 6am is calling me... I need to get to sleep.  

Lent Reflections: You're giving up what?

So it's official, I have made it a whole week without caffeine. A miracle... for real.

For a few years now, I've been a morning coffee/tea drinker, and I've always adamantly argued that I was not addicted... that the few mornings I didn't get my jolt, I wasn't more tired, less lively, less bouncy than my usual self.

And I'm still pushing that argument; still this is probably the first time in a few years that I've gone a whole week without any form of caffeine.

I had a pretty nasty headache for about 2 days, but other than that, no withdrawal symptoms noted...


Lent is the remembrance of Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness tempted by the devil, tended by the angels, fasting from bread and water, but alive with the bread of God.

As many a lovely Lenten service has identified, Jesus was temped with his identity, with his relationships, with the core of who he was and his purpose on the earth...

And really, during Lent, we give something up to identify with Jesus in his wilderness, though, really, giving up chocolate or caffeine or tea or meat can't really compare to 40 days without food and shelter, it's a small reminder that comfort is not something we are owed.

I've been learning about myself this Lenten season and it's only been a week.

For example, coffee is my security blanket. When I'm stressed, I want a coffee. When I have a hard day, I want a coffee. Coffee is a treat. It's something warm and soothing... I can feel the warmth in the cup radiating through my body. The caffeine uplifts my mood, quickens my heart beat, focuses my eyes, clenches my muscles in my head and neck to a ball of energy... a focused laser, a thread through the eye of a needle... me and coffee are a formidable match.

Coffee is also my go-to for boredom. It's my constant companion. If I'm early, I'll get a coffee... I've got my S'Buck's finder app, I can wander around where ever I am and find the good coffee and grab a jo to go before showing up annoyingly early... Finding coffee is almost half of the fun and without it as an excuse, I just show up early. Rarely can you see me without some cup in my hand... and I wonder, do I really want to drink all this or am I just doing it to do something?

Coffee is a status symbol. Chillin in the cafe with my java and a book or my android or my laptop... I just feel so cool. Coffee and chillin is the thing to do... I don't even know if I can read without a hot beverage by my side anymore, to be honest... it just feels unnatural without it there. Even if I don't know that I'm out letting people watch me sip my hip bevvy, I am... <--sad...

What I'm realizing about myself is that as much as I love coffee, I don't always drink it because I love it, but for many other reasons. Already I'm feeling more hydrated, more chill, and, I'll admit, a bit more tired.

Do I think I'll forego caffeine permanently after Lent--no... definitely not. It doesn't keep me going, but I just like caffeinated drinks too much to let them go. Also, numerous studies show that there are health benefits to moderate caffeine intake (Ha! So educate yourself).

What I'm most interested in is my gut reaction to a fight at work or a horrible meeting... my heart says "Let's get some coffee. It'll make it better..." and after a week without it, my head is going ??? How did coffee ever make this shit better?

Honestly, though coffee has been known to prevent the effects of depression sinking in, it doesn't solve my problems... it's just a small, short-term feeling of euphoria before the litter box of turds comes crashing down on my head again...

Live and learn... don't worry about the coffee, get down on your knees girl...

Till next week!