Jehovah Jireh, My Provider and the Woes of Stagflation

Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel
has been switched off. We're sorry for any inconvenience

So before I rant, I would just like to say that I am very grateful for my job, understanding that, I am very lucky to have had a job for 4 years running. 

Still, this whole "stagflation" happening, as my housemate put it, is more than frustrating. 

I have had the same job for 4 years. So essentially, I'm making more "money" now than I ever have in my life. Yet I think my money was worth more a few years ago. I could do more with it. I could go more places. I could buy more things. I could live. 

While I have consistently been able to pay my bills, I've basically cut every luxury out of my life. A weekly trip to Starbucks is a treat for me and usually the only one I'll get. 

I don't eat out, or maybe, will have a sandwich at a cafe. 

I don't go to the cinema, the theatre, or other activities. 

I don't buy fastfood and since May have not bought meat for use at home. 

I don't buy new clothes. 

I don't go out more than maybe once a month. 

I don't know how to reduce my living costs anymore, and yet, I can't afford the few things I would like to be able to do, such as visit my family for Christmas, which this year, is seeming unlikely. 

A recent article by Relevant Magazine  helpfully reminds me that my money is not my own. That God is my true provider despite inflation, stagflation, invasion, or any other catastrophe that might befall me. 

I hear the small but steady voice in the darkness answer me "Even if you don't see your family, it will be ok. I am always with you. I provide everything for you." And it just seems like God will take everything away to see if I will still love Him and follow Him... and I will. 

While at times it seems God is unnecessarily testing my love for Him, I have to remind myself that, like Job, it is His right to do with His creation (aka me and my sh**) as He sees fit. His glory is enough. The sunrises over the city. The stars in the sky. The glory He bestows in the smiles I see, the laughs I hear, the pure radiant beauty I see around me in His world... 

I guess the truth is, I didn't think God would take my family from me. I mean, technically He has, since I only see them twice a year, but I didn't think He would so utterly remove me that I could not get to them. 

But really, what do I know of what God wills? Sometimes, trusting God is like jumping off a cliff and feeling the air flowing under me and floating through it. Other times, it feels like throwing myself under a train. 

I will do it always, regardless of how it feels, but I'm waiting to see what Glory He will get from this, if He ever decides to share it with me, because at the moment, it feels like I'm constantly exhaling and being forbidden to actually breathe.