Not Getting Over Things...

There are some things in life you just don't get over.

For instance... this guy I didn't really know too well got drunk and pissed all over my bed (thank goodness I wasn't in it) and tried to sneak out of my house at 7am.... I don't think I'll get over that.

The other thing I really need to bone up to is that I'm not really over my ex yet. Even while out on a date I just sat and thought... this isn't what I want... but what I want is over, so I obviously can't pine away for someone, who left me months ago, for the rest of my life. In Sex and the City, Charlotte says it takes 1/2 the total time you're with someone to get over them. If that was the total time we dated, about 1.75 years, then it will take me at least 7/8 of a year to get over him. I still have about 2/7ths of a year left. The problem is ... I don't know if I'm getting over him at the appropriate rate... it may take me at least a year... maybe more... who knows, maybe I'll never get over him. He was the only person who could chill me out enough so that I could sleep.

Carrie Underwood said it like this... (unfortunately for me, since I do like this song):

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you.
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

I know it's over, but I would be lieing to myself if I tried to pretend I didn't care about him anymore, or if I didn't wonder how he was doing, or hope that he was good. I lie to men everyday when I smile at them and give them any hope that my heart is free. I lie to them when I accept dates I would be interested in except I'm not bc I'm just comparing them to the guy I thought was my penguin. I would be lying if I said when I see a man of narrow frame with thick brown curls that I don't catch my breath in case it's him (I have no idea what I would do if it ever was him, but my breath catches thinking it might be)... (I have the potential to do anything from attack him to run screaming away to fainting to trying to kiss him... I really don't know).

Yes, he left me high and dry, but he had big shoes to fill. And in place of those big shoes, I got the bed-wetter... super.