Holiday Fever

When I graduated from college, loads of people asked me what I wanted out of life. After much thought and deliberation, much meditation, or at least as much as a 22 year old can do, I decided that I wanted a life full of good stories. Memories that I could share with new friends, or reminisce over with old ones. Stories I could tell children, if I ever have them, or neices and nephews, little cousins, my students, people I mentor, etc. Fables, parables, and anecdotes to fill speeches and teach life lessons. I wanted my life to be full... in the literary sense, believing that experiences and memories were all I really needed to keep me happy.

I'm finding as I go through life that in truth, my answer is honest and honorable. I really feel that having a life full of good stories is all I really want and need. Making that happen, however, is a little bit more difficult.

As I live life, the more I'm convinced that humans do NOT always know what will make us happy. Or, like me, we know, but we don't prioritize it and pursue it. As many high school and college students quote, Henry David Thoreau said, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." In my heart, I say YES to that. In reality, I spent my entire day shoving through stores buying stuff for me.

I ask myself, in Socratic fashion, why was I shoving? The answer is two-fold. First, I was shoving because there were hundreds if not thousands of people out shopping as well. The parking lots were full to the point where people gave up and parked in the illegal yellow and white striped areas of the parking lots. The lines wrapped all the way around the perimeter of stores and out of the doors.

Secondly, I was pushing because I am selfish and wanted good sales and didn't want to wait and as the day wore on I got cranky and irritable and less and less polite. As much as I enjoy the shopping and being with my friends, it wears on you eventually and you get worn and then people see what you're really made of.

I've moved out of the US and moved to the outskirts of East London a few years ago. Because I'm out of the frenzy, when I come to the States, I have fresh cultural eyes to look at the cultural phenomenon while still being native enough to understand the origins of many American sentiments.

This holiday season, more so than ever, things have been a fever; things feel faster here than in England... they feel rushed and harried and full,.. not in a good way. In an anxious attempt to not miss anything in life, it seems like we are stuffing in all kinds of things that just aren't really making us happy.

Firstly, the notion that stuff can make us happy has never really seemed to be wise, yet throughout history we just have to learn the hard way. In our tech-saavy community, electronics have taken over. The busiest stores today seemed to be phone stores, ipod stores, electronic stores. You can buy electronic book readers, picture frames, key chains. You can buy electronic robot pets, computers for infants, huge TVs, multimedia players, computers, and the list goes on and on. I even received a digital photo keychain. I may use it, and it seems like a good idea, but I believe 10 people die every minute because of poverty in the world, and I have a rechargable, digital photo key chain so I can carry pictures of my loved ones anywhere I go. I know people hate hearing it, but I honestly think we have to ask ourselves if stuff makes us happy... and if we aren't just kidding ourselves when we make the excuse that we'll use stuff together and it's an investment in family or friends.

To be fair, there are things you can buy that honestly do bring families together, I just don't think thousands of people are out buying them all at the same time.

Secondly, I understand that there are necessities like clothes that people need to stay warm, but I'm becoming more and more jaded with certain fashionable stores and fads. For instance, Hollister and Abercrombie... the stores are DARK!!! How can you even SEE what you are buying? All the clothes LOOK THE SAME! and they're SOOOO expensive. Unless these clothes are lined with gold, they should not cost this much. They are grey, brown, navy, maroon, white, and black sweaters... colored tanks and tees, and hoodies... and torn jeans and jean shorts... that's IT! There is nothing original. You can't wear the clothes anywhere nice or to work... they are completely pointless. They aren't well made, and many of the clothes are already distressed so they fall apart EASIER! Yet HUNDREDS get spent there, THOUSANDS... for torn clothes that you can't even see in the store! ok, I need to change the topic...

As a visitor in America for the holidays, I have very limited resources. No car, a crappy cell phone, and I live out of a suitcase. I have to wait for people to drive me, for people to get out of work, for things to work out, for schedules to collace together... I can't just make it happen like I could when I was a resident and could do more things myself.

Yet even with the slowness that comes from waiting, I've felt like a lot is happening. Everyday several things need to happen and there are appointments and it's very hard to see everyone I want to see and spend QUALITY time with people because of the manic nature of time. We are all of us Marthas, running all over for a million things... but during the holidays, it isn't the stuff... it's the people that make it special. Conversations, memories... walks, talks, etc. It's the conversation in the car, the jokes, the hugs, backrubs, not the stuff.

So all of this begs the question, are we ruining our own lives? What are we going to make our lives about? And, how do we get to a place where we can pursue honestly what we really feel is important?

A theme in my life recently is the woods. I grew up in woods... surrounded by trees and foliage. A ready retreat in any weather or season. Hentry David Thoreau lived at Walden pond, isolated in the woods deliberately... he went to seclude himself to find out what he really knew: "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

How many people, when they come to die, see that their life has been full of things and not people? How many will say they should have worked more, or bought more... and not say they should have spent time with family and went to parks and played with dogs and smelled flowers? When I was 22, I knew I wanted a life full of stories... but looking around my old room... still full of things I can't bear to lose but that I never see or use since I live 6000 miles away. I can only hope that I get out of this holiday fever... this life fever... and learn to be quiet, and still, and learn what is really required in life and find the stories and lose the stuff.

Happy Holidays!