Waiting

"If I marry,” she wrote, “He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said, he reaches all the way to Heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child." -- Ruth Bell Graham

A few weeks ago, one of my best friends found this quote and commented on it. As I read through it I just felt my heart scream, YES! This is what I eventually want... the really weird thing is, I don't want it right now.

As I grow older and more and more of my friends get engaged and married. More and more, I face the question, "Have you found a nice guy? Is there anyone special in your life? Don't you want to get married? When are you going to settle down?" and more and more, I want to scream, and curb the intense urge to smack my questioner in the face.

Most of the relationships I've been in have been with sweet, respectful, and yet completely selfish guys. Men, while they have many positive points, have been incredibly egotistical in my experience. For example, a man that was sort of a rebound sent me an email last week after blowing me off in an incredibly awkward manner for a few months (when I say blow off, I mean we work together and he would pretty much run out of the room when I walked in or completely avoid eye contact... even while playing soccer). His email was a dramatic monologue about how he was sorry we ever talked because it had sadly led to him hurting me, he's so glad I've found a nice man, he hopes he treats me so much better than he did, and he really wants me to be happy... he assumes I hate him and that I've been devastated. What he doesn't realize is that he was my rebound and yes, I was annoyed, but I got over it pretty quickly when he started avoiding me. He doesn't assume I was ok... he assumes he ruined my life. O the drama... I can't take it anymore.

more to come... cause I've got more stories... later.

For now... I'm going to bed... but just know, women are not so pathetic that we sit and pine every time some loser isn't in love with us. In fact, some women choose to be single, and are quite happy that way.