How Long is Long Enough....

Ok... besides the potential dirty comment I'm going to get for my title... I'm talking about waiting...

Last spring I was in a fairly serious relationship. For a while, the guy disappeared... cut off all communication. Since I'd known him for years and been with him for over a year, I figured there was no way he'd never talk to me again. I went through agony for months waiting, hoping, believing in him... in us...

He STILL hasn't spoken to me. Obviously there is very little honor in him, dignity, and communication skills are seriously lacking.

What is it about men that when faced with issues in a relationship, they merely run away?

I totally understand that "I need a bit of space to think things through" or the concept that couples need their own lives away from partners, but I fail to understand what is so terrifying that they can't give some closure to the end of a relationship.

I'm not even with this guy right now... not technically... we only made it to the "what are we?" talk... so not long term. We've been having a good time, and I think we really like each other... this is what has been communicated to me.

A week goes by, I ring, and he sounds MISERABLE... "I'm crap at communication... I need a bit of space to think things through... I really like you... I'm confused" Ok... fair enough. He needs space. I get that. Now I know that I need to give him space. Got it.

About a week later I sent a txt..."so... I'm not rushing you, I just was wondering if you need more time or not? Guys have bailed on me before and I'm a bit wary about it. Just let me know."

Nothing.

Well... I like the guy, but at this point, I just want my shirt back. I'm not angry. I just want to avoid loss of property. He's moving back to Australia, I'm staying in England... it makes it complicated... he doesn't know if he wants anything serious. I'm not asking for anything serious. I get it... I like him... he hasn't communicated in weeks... I just want my shirt back.

How long should women wait, or anyone really, when their potential partner "needs space"? During this needing space time, are we free to scope out other potential relationships? And when is it ok to txt and check in. Obviously if they need space you don't txt every day... but maybe once a week... "hey are you alive?"

After how long should we throw in the towel and give up? I'm usually a pretty good judge of character, I don't want to believe that this guy has just up and disappeared... but I also don't want to head down the road of paranoia "something probably happened... he probably lost his phone, that's why he's not calling me... I should call him" OR "He's sleeping with someone else... I don't care if I ever see him again since he obviously never cared about me."

I think these are things people tell themselves to make the waiting end. You make up a scenario in your mind and hold fast to it. Honestly, I don't know what's going on with my fella. He asked me for space. He said he really liked me. Body language confirmed this: staring up at my ceiling, as if he could deduce his future from the pattern in my ceiling. He told me he was confused. He told me he didn't know if he could keep it casual without making it not casual.... the fact that he was leaning towards making it not casual really supports the "he likes me" theory. So based on this evidence, plus knowing he's not a good communicator, how much time do I give?? I don't want to think he's just moved on and won't tell me... I don't think he's heartless or uncaring because he said he does care and all his behaviour has supported this.

I know men always say women are confusing... but honestly, like children, men should come with an instruction manual. It always seems like I am the one who ends up being the least dramatic of the two in my relationships.

Here's to hoping I at least figure out if he's going to talk to me again... and if I'm going to get my shirt back.