Lent Reflections: Trials and Temptations

So it's now been about 3 weeks since I gave up caffeine for Lent... no small feat for me, and I've been doing quite well. This past week, tho, I was so tempted to just throw in the towel and have a coffee on several occasions.

So I met a friend for dinner the other night and we wandered the South Bank enjoying the Thames and ended up in Strada, which was fortunate cause I had a hankering for spaghetti and meatballs. All was well till we got to the dessert menu and I really truly wanted Tiramisu AKA my favorite dessert! I tried to justify it to myself, but I just couldn't have espresso soaked cake and cream after giving up caffeine. I was devastated. All the desserts I fancied had some coffee in them, and I ended up having some chocolate meltdown thing, which was lovely, but not what I really wanted.

The same thing happened the next night when I was out with a friend who's going off on maternity leave. There it was on the dessert menu, all covered in cocoa powder and taunting me... tiramisu!

I've been to meet friends in coffee shops and each time have been really good about ordering hot chocolate or herbal tea and double checking that the tea has no caffeine in it.

This whole giving up caffeine thing is hard work.

And... I believe I'm having physical side effects as well... which leads to the trials bit of this post.

So, I have a low heart rate and low blood pressure and no, I don't take any medication for it. Many years ago my doctor said I probably crave savoury, salty things to balance my need for it. I  have low BP, my body craves salt = my BP goes slightly higher. All is right.

Well, caffeine raises your heart rate and BP as well...

So three weeks into no caffeine, I've been having black outs again, which I haven't had really since college. It got so bad that today after gym time, I stood up from the bath and BAM... fainted. I broke one of our shower nozzles, demolished my right arm and bruised my ribs... and woke up in the bath, naked, I don't know how many minutes after it happened.

Woozy, sore and light headed, I ran for my room, ate something and have just been chilling ever since. Since I'm a searcher, I'm trying to find the meaning in all of this... in this incident, in my love for crisps and coffee... I'm trying to not just swallow all that twaddle in health magazines about how to be fit and whatnot and find the truth and the balance in being healthy and loving myself.

Last year I felt like God asked me to give up meat for a month and I felt like it was His way of saying to me to leave it for a while. I don't eat nearly as much meat as I used to, tho I enjoy it and don't feel bad eating it at all.

I've been praying about caffeine in the same way... is it something God's asking me to give up? We still have several weeks till Easter, but right now, I don't think so. I don't think caffeine is this evil substance that kills us, like some people would make us think... I don't think meat is horrible either. I don't think God wants us to black list anything in his creation, but just to be thoughtful and intentional about how we consume things.

Coffee is one of the biggest exports and imports around the world and it's farming, done ethically, can be sustainable and help many developing countries... when done unethically and unsafely, however, can lead to poverty, slavery, and horrific abuse.

Similarly, caffeine, when overdosed, can cause many psychological and physical effects, including death... who knew? And when insects attack plants filled with caffeine, if they don't stop, their hearts explode. Contrariwise, caffeine can help us focus, can cause feelings of euphoria, and can impact minute body systems positively. Loads of studies are out there and caffeine is quite controversial at the moment... but I think in all of the medical studies is the idea of balance, rest and moderation.