The Camel and The Needle

"'There is still one thing lacking. Sell all you own and distribute the money to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.' But when he heard this, he became sad; for he was very rich. Jesus looked at him and said, 'How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter...'" Luke 18: 22-25 

There is no doubt. Times are hard right now. The rich keep getting richer, the poor, poorer. The debating goes on, but markets seem to keep falling, inflation rising, gaps growing, and everyone seems to be angry about it. I'm definitely not excluded from the angry. A few weeks ago, a friend posted an article about why gas prices in America are staying high and I commented "sometimes I feel like if I ever meet anyone who actually works in finance, I'll punch them in the face."


ME... passive Jenny... kitten... I said that I would PUNCH someone... someone I didn't even know...

Yikes!

I know on the grand scale of people in the world, I have quite a lot... I can pay my rent and bills, I have clothes in good repair (and quasi-fashionable ;)). I get to go on vacation to see my family twice a year and maybe a few other places. I'm quite lucky really.

But when I look at the wealth I have, it's in my education and my "library". (Geek alert). I read the story above and I pondered whether I would be able to give up, if I could sell everything I owned... It wouldn't be so much, really. Some clothes, some shoes, some books...

Usually women get more and more fashionable as they grow up, but I didn't feel so bad about selling my clothes... It was the books. That's where my memories are. That's where my treasure lies.

But, surely, you say, you could get kindle editions, or read the books from libraries?

Poppycock!

The thing about my books is that I have hand-written notes in them, and often date when I get a book. Some books have been so well loved they have notes from various years and readings all over them and I know I can take notes on Kindle, but... I wouldn't HAVE my old notes.

Somehow, I want to carry the weight of my knowledge, quite literally, around with me from place to place. It doesn't seem right to only have a digital library. Even when I read books on my touchpad, if I enjoy them, I buy a physical copy... same with music. I'll buy a CD so I can have the cover art and the album case, and have something to stack and stare at for all eternity.

This is the thing I can't sell because it's like this physical reminder of where my Achilles heel is... my pride is in my education. You might have heard me talk about this in the last few blog posts... I don't want to go on and on about it... but I don't want to pretend I'm over it or it has suddenly gone away. I don't actually think I have loads to boast about either... it's just something I focus on... something I'm proud of in myself. The point of me that feeds my narcissism.

I was reading an interesting article on fb (ironically) today about loneliness and it mentioned the growing narcissism and the growing loneliness of the Gen Y, etc generations...

It mentions that people post their best bits on facebook... they show themselves a certain way. This is definitely the case, but in general, I throw my weirdness out there in fits of giggles... There are other ways I express my narcissism on the internet... such as my goodreads account and how many books I've reviewed or read in comparison to others. How often my reviews are read or liked or commented on, which, granted, isn't very much... It's so sad. The whole point comes back to comparing... always comparing, always looking for what's popular, as if that will make it good and right. Always searching for novelty to the point where everything is labored and nothing seems sacred. We have purists and mashers hashing it out for popularity... But as Francis Chan lovingly writes: “Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” 


How many things? My head explodes with the number... with how many useless sojourns I've taken, how many dead proficiencies I've earned. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like these soulless things have influence over me. I'm tired of being bored or too easily entertained. I want to be devoted to the things that matter, and I know, deep down, that those things are people--not money or books or clothes or useless talents.