2014 Year in Review: Lessons in Faith and Humility

Dear Fabulous Family and Friends, 

As many of you know, I like to round out the year reflecting and scraping out the lessons my heart has learned this year... No matter how boring or busy or tedious a month is, I'm convinced that I have grown and learned at least one thing every month of the year. Many of my friends are saying goodbye to 2014 with a wave and a kick in the pants, happy to see this difficult year gone. If I were going to whiddle my year down to a few mantras, they might be: rest when you can, just keep swimming, appreciate the small things, God will provide. 

Let me explain: 

January: 2014 started with me feeling low and sad because I didn't get to see my family at Christmas. This is the first and only time I have not seen my family at Christmas and I'm perfectly happy never to do it again. Nevertheless, I started out NYE with some amazing London Friends and was actually out at a pub dancing to some awesome DJs :) Later in the month, St. Lukes held their birthday party and I swing danced into 2014.
When I got into the swing of things at work in February I'd taken on a bit of a new post that involved collaborating with a neighboring school. While I really enjoyed the experience and we're repeating the program this year, collaborating is difficult when both parties are very busy. I'm learning more to let myself rely on others and join into partnerships and not just do everything on my own.

In March I started learning about opening my heart up for the possibility of love. The efficient woman in me was tired. Letting others love me was important. Being busy isn't an excuse to turn off your heart. Which was sort of important because around the same time I met a man who struck my fancy and we've become very good friends.

April had to be the highlight of my year -- my really good friend Kristin got married, Brittany came up for the wedding, and all my best friends were together for a short amazing time of staying up late making brownies in cups, bride manicures, dance parties to Shakira radio, and culminating with a "30th birthday party" for me as a surprise 3 months early and with my family.

May became the month that I got very verbal about everyone else's accomplishments as a way to foster community and progress. I nominated a friend for a teaching award and she won. Writing the teaching bio for her brought me to tears and even though I couldn't be there on the awards ceremony night, I realized the importance of shouting about other people's accomplishments and not just our own.

In June I turned 30 and had an epic birthday party in the park with water balloons. I also really let down my housemates by needing to write a paper the weekend we moved house and not really doing my share of the moving and cleaning. Sometimes series of events happen that lead to you letting other people down and all you can do is try your hardest, ask for forgiveness, and try to be better. I'm rarely on the "letting people down" side of this lesson in humility and it was good for me. Thankfully my housemates are forgiving, lovely people.

Speaking of lovely people, in July I attended language school in Faro, Portugal for two weeks and stayed at a beautiful, friendly hostel. I thought about my purpose in life a lot... I feel a pull to work with Brazil and learn Portuguese, but this man in my life is UK based. Going to language school seemed to reaffirm my passion and commitment, though with my Master's degree, I will also admit that I haven't practiced since July (hanging head in shame).

August brought old friends to London as my housemates and I hosted a slew of friends. My high school bestie, Jenny Moore, and Brazilian buddy, Tiago, came to stay with me and I massively enjoyed their company. The world is full of kindred spirits and that definitely makes it a friendlier, happier, lovelier place to be. If you need to travel, crash at someone's house #fosho.

September brought exam data analyzation panic at school and pretty much every time I speak to the Head Teacher Ofsted, the government inspectors, are mentioned. While I appreciate that she's #keepingitreal and also trying to keep the staff positive, #thestruggleisreal. What I've learned is that there is not a lot that cannot be weathered with a can-do attitude. Meanwhile, God has continued to bless my program and all of my students did really well. I've been getting a lot of positive recognition in my career, though I'm not sure what to do with it really. I started the second year of my 2.5 year Masters degree program and I've mostly been keeping my head down, trying to stay positive, and #justkeepswimming.

Once October started and we caught our breath from the start of the year, we realized that in 2 months we'd taken in almost as many new students in 2 months as we did ALL LAST YEAR. While the government keeps adjusting their policies and our team is trying to roll with the punches, all I kept seeing is the end of Beauty and the Beast... Belle has gone back to help her father and the villagers are attacking... Beast sits up in his room moping when various pieces of enchanted furniture come in to tell him to brace for an attack. In an attitude of resigned despair, he retorts "Let them come..." Ofsted is changing their policies... "Let them come." We're getting 75 new students in 2.5 months... "Let them come." Your classes are overflowing and we need to keep changing the class lists and schedule. "Let them come." #justkeepswimming became the mantra of my life.

By the time November got here, and I started to lose my mind, my church had a great worship night and the words of Jesus to Martha have been ringing in my head ever since. "You are worried and anxious about many things, but only one thing is needed." I need Jesus... not to help me... not just to save me... I just need him. To be with him. To be in his presence. And you know what? Everything else happened as well. The days I was too busy to go grocery shopping, my housemate just happened to be making a lovely dinner I could partake in. I was provided for. I could return the favor when I was having a light week. When my to do list starts to swirl in my mind, these verses often come back to me. I am not a teacher to get things done, but to love, educate, and support children. I can't control if inspectors are coming or if they "see" my classroom and children the way I do. I can't control how many children need my services, but if they are there, they are my responsibility and, frankly, my pleasure to educate, even if I'm tired and understaffed.

As December descended upon me I was tired. I have learned that I don't have to do everything. God will provide not only for me, but for everyone else as well. God sometimes chooses NOT to use me to provide for everyone else. I helped organize Angel Tree at my church this year (as I've done for 3 years), but pulled back from my other voluntary commitments. Yes, I miss doing it. Yes, I get twinges of guilt. But part of balancing the seasons of life you experience is knowing what to say yes and no to. I could give one epic day wrapping 150 presents for Angel Tree, I could not give weekly time commitments like I had been. When my Masters degree is over, I can prayerfully consider what to go for again. Everyone has 24 usable hours of everyday, but not more. God will provide for others what I can't do for them today. I am limited. God is not.

Last year God tried to tell me that others would still love me even if I wasn't perfect and serving them all the time. I feel like this year was proof of that. I messed up. I let go. I was unavailable. And people reached out to me in love when I needed it and I got to see how loved I am. Doing an MA while working full time at a very demanding job isn't something I would recommend to anyone, but I felt like I was called to do it and I've enjoyed my learning and I've also grown a lot personally and professionally.

God has also provided small moments of solace for me: delightful, cheerful housemates; early morning sunrise bike rides, friends and family who check in and love on me with their presence and encouragement and prayers. I am very blessed. I will continue to try to pass on that blessing to everyone I meet.


Thank you, awesome church family, St. Lukes. Thank you amazing housemates (Martin, Paula, Dizzi). Thank you fabulous friends who are too numerous to name. Thank you family who gets me and lets me be me. Thank you supportive and encouraging co-workers.

The words from the communion liturgy just came into my mind:
The Lord is here.
His Spirit is with us.
It is right to give him thanks and praise. <3 p="">
As a side note, I've been posting Bible verses and quotes that stand out to me at this tumblr.

Ok 2015, come and get me. I'm ready.