Animalistic tendencies and contemporary dating

Tonight I had dinner with a friend who is an ecologist and a science teacher. We were on the topic of love and relationships, big surprise, and he unearthed a theory I've heard before, but never really considered. In ecology, the mammilian theory (I think) stipulates that men and women want different things out of relationships. Men have the instinctual urge to reproduce as much as possible, and therefore do not like commitment. Women, however, take a lot longer to become fertile, go through the process of pregnancy and birth, and need a partner to help them raise the baby... they want/need commitment. While this works out differently in the animal kingdom, does it have credence in human society?

I know prostitution is the oldest profession, but along side it comes the institution of marriage, or at least the idea that there are rules that should govern who gets to have sex with whom, who belongs to whom, who should be loved, by whom, and how, and how much.

Contemporary society, probably the last 50 years or so, has been the first time a society has ruled that it's ok for any consenting adult to have sex with any other consenting adult, male, female, or hermaphrodite. We have had to make laws concerning child protection laws and sex, and sex slavery to protect people from the freedom of an "anything goes" society (and creepy sexual abusers).

While sexual freedom and expression may be fashionable right now and I may be the only 24 year old virgin in the UK, I have thousands of years of history on my side. With the many neurosis, stress, emotional problems, and psychotic episodes emerging in our culture, I don't know how much giving into our physical urges and living all our sexual fantasies is helping or hurting our minds, our relationships, our communities, or our souls.

The other argument that arose is that of the separation of the emotions from physical affection. I am a fond believer that physical affection arises out of emotional attachment. There should be progression that emerges gradually as two people bond and engage on a social and emotional level. In my mind, in the way I think about things, after 2 dates, I don't feel I know someone enough to hop into bed with them. I don't think this a fair expectation. I may be the exception to the rule but having sex with random attractive strangers doesn't appeal to me. Though I can admit movie stars and athletes to be handsome and fit, I don't feel a personal urge or attraction to be with them physically...

My friend argued that men roll the emotions and the physical into one... without the one, the other isn't there, so if I refuse one, I'm closing off the possibility for the other. I can definitely see how sex increases intimacy emotionally. Where I am not convinced, however, is that I have to have sex for intimacy to occur at all. It seems to be all or nothing. I'm not blocking off any physical affection, I'm merely asking for a progression that takes longer than meeting twice.

Call me old fashioned, but I just don't think these social expectations are fair, and no matter how trendy they are, I will not feel comfortable giving in to them.