The Irony of Life

So it's official, I'm single... it's just ironic how life can balance itself out. My 3 friends, Kristin, Kimmy, and Brittany just got boyfriends, I lost one. Everyone just can't be happy at the same time. Still, I think I am happy. I keep finding boys who want to get in there, get deep... and I did too, I'm not blaming them entirely... and we start talking all kinds of permanent relationships and houses and dogs and the M word... and of course I jump on board cause isn't that what life is about??

I need a vacation of deep pure love... yes, I want it one day, but not now. To be honest with myself, yes, I could have made a marriage work, and I think I would be a cool wife, but I have other things I want to do with my life. I want to travel and write and see things. I don't want to have to be accountable to someone right now. I see some of my friends and some of their friends and some of their family members getting married and having kids and it seems so nice... some of the time (some have been shotgun weddings, if you know what I mean)... some of my friends are ALREADY getting divorced (the rate is 80% for people under 28 now I believe).

In my family, I was brought up that people go through life two-by-two. It worked for Noah, why can't it work for us. When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to tell me that if I ate too much I would get fat and boys wouldn't love me. If I didn't wear make up boys wouldn't think I was pretty. She's been trying to marry me off since I was 15. As far as she's concerned, I'm already a spinster. Whatever, George Eliot was a spinster too... Virginia Woolf got married, and we all know how that ended.

I'm not condemning people who do get married, even at a young age. My two good friends Keith and Katie have the most beautiful marriage. I cried, sobbed even, at their ceremony and it's such a joy to see them working together doing humanitarian work, and having fun and traveling. It's awesome. Just this month my best friend's sister is getting married and it has been a long time coming... Michelle and Hoss are SO good for each other. They have worked so hard for their new home and life and I'm really happy for them. But marriage is NOT just what you do after university.

I don't know if I've just been dumb and fallen for lines (I consider myself a fair judge of character so I'm hoping not), but I'm actually getting sick of guys saying their in love with me, I'm their soul mate, etc. and then bugger off. I thought I was, but maybe I'm not ready for the responsibility of a soul mate... I just want someone to hang out with. I don't want lines and manipulation, I just want simplicity and honesty. I don't need to be needed... it'd be nice to find a nice guy who things I'm cute, smart, and fun.

Getting back to balance, the weather has been gorgeous here... and not necessarily to match my sunny disposition. I've not been a wreck, but I've had better days. In the words of Rilo Kiley

"And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy"

If this is what it means to be happy, then I'm happy.