The Problem with Being a Sport Fan

For most of my life I was the girl in the corner of the gym, hiding, hoping they wouldn't see her so that she wouldn't get picked at all for sports. I knew I would get picked last unless there was someone with a physical handicap or one of my good friends was captain--someone who would have me on their team for pity. I was HORRIBLE at sports, but I didn't care. Not that I wasn't active; I spent my entire summers swimming through rivers and lakes, snorkeling, climbing mountains, hiking through the Chesapeake Bay Watershed or the Poconos with my parents. I've dived into icy lakes in February, climbed enormous trees to splash into lakes. I've helped my dad build rock sculptures on the bottoms of shallow lakes, carrying rocks the size of loafs of bread throw 16 feet deep water. I've moved woodpiles. I can chop wood. I am outdoors strong, I just never played sports.

I could never get the intricacies of sports. I couldn't kick properly at kickball... always popping it up for an easy catch out. I choked too much up on the soft-ball bat. I couldn't be bothered about soccer. Basketball had too many squeaky shoes and I got hit in the head too many times during foul shot classes in gym. I never thought HORSE was fun. Football seemed foreign to me... and in a way still does. I couldn't sit still during a hockey game on TV. I think perhaps an impulse to multitask has kept me from watching sports on TV till now. I couldn't sit still enough to really learn the games, so it just seemed like people chasing balls or hitting them or throwing them, really. It never seemed like it mattered much.

Could we stave off world hunger with football? Could we educate the world with baseball? No. And another thing, what is all the fanfare and merchandising about? Perhaps I'm biased, but sports clothing has never been all that flattering. Yes, I went through the phase of having to wear team jackets, just like everyone else, but because I didn't have a football team, I just picked the team with the colors I liked and the player I had heard of--the Miami Dolphins. I quite like dolphins, and Dan Marino played in Ace Ventura 2 with Jim Carey, so that's what I picked. Turquoise and Orange were good colors too. Seemed a perfect fit for me.

But I could never answer the questions I got about players transferring teams or that really horrid play in the last game. I'm nearly 24 and I still haven't been to a professional sporting event. I don't even know if I've been to a stadium, unless you count going to concerts in hockey arenas in Philly---the Spectrum... lol.

I also think I could never be bothered about sports because I lacked a competitive spirit. I just wanted to do things at my own pace and for fun. I wanted to explore, not drill; I wanted to be my own leader, not have a captain and a coach. I usually didn't care if I lost... I was conditioned to it... when it came to sports, I expected to lose.

When I got to be an adolescent, my rebellious spirit came out, which is sort of similar to competitive, and I joined the boys street hockey team because hockey is tough, there were some cute guys there, and I knew I would be the only girl there. I knew NOTHING about hockey, but I thought if it was rough and all you had to do was whack a stick around, it couldn't hurt, right? I got hooked. I loved the rules, I loved playing, I loved my team. It was rough at first being the only girl because I had to prove myself, usually by getting roughed up by the other team. But I took their abuse in stride and returned it with interest. I practiced and drilled at home, and came home with bruises and black eyes, which horrified my mother. In her eyes I was supposed to be turning into a little lady, not a man beater, but thankfully she let me go through the phase. I was never really one of the guys. They didn't invite me to play with them on the weekends, but I didn't care. I'd always been a bookworm. When I went home, I wanted to read and press flowers in books and explore and dig in my garden, finding new insects for my terrarium.

In high school I took up marching band, which is violently opposed to the football team in spirit. Our football team was complete shit. I can't remember them ever winning. Football games were about hot dogs, hot chocolate, and marching band. It was singing your lungs out and changing on the bus. It was about watching Mystery Science Theater or some movie of a musical while all the couples made out in the band closets. This was as competitive as I got in high school.

By the time I got to college, I was just completely confused about why anyone would want to go watch a game. I went sometimes, cause it's a college thing to do. Later, I would go to support friends I had. I heard that our soccer teams did well, and ladies basketball. But I never really identified myself with them. It was a school thing, not a Jenny thing, so what did it really matter. I dated a guy who had a lot of friends who were into football and they got him into it, so I had to be by proxy to spend time with him. I think I went and just annoyed them "what just happened?" "Why are they cheering?": watching football still doesn't make sense to me. It just seems like a lot of guys line up and then crash into each other while wearing completely stupid clothing. Jocks never seemed particularly hot or interesting to me... I always preferred nerds.

I still maintain that one of the only good things about football is the Superbowl, and when I say Superbowl, I mean the parties. They are good times. Drinking games, tons of good food, and a massive competitive spirit. You have to join in, even if you know nothing of it. It's fantastic. Maybe because I never knew anything about the teams, so if the team I picked lost, I really couldn't be too bothered about it. Maybe because I didn't connect with them it didn't matter to me.

When I moved to England, I had a fellow American explain to me the difference between Football and Rugby: Rugby is a barbarian's game played by gentlemen, and Football is a gentlemen's game played by barbarians. It seems to make sense to me. Rugby is amazing. I love the carnage, the speed, the sheer force and determination in each player, each match. I love that Rugby players are hardcore. They don't fake injuries the way soccer players do sometimes. They can be bleeding out of their heads, get some sports tape wrapped around their head, and go back on the field, with the blood mixing with the sweat and rain.

I've also been getting into watching Soccer (I know it's called Football in the UK, but for purposes of distinguishing, I'm going to use Soccer in this post). Soccer fanship starts at birth in England. Children are bred into their team, like children into religion in other countries. I was recently at a Sport World store and a little boy, maybe 2 stood in line behind me with his parents clinging to a Chelsea jersey. When I asked if he was a Chelsea fan, his dad, with a complete look of disgust said "I think he's lost his head; we support West Ham." Indeed, this father questioned his son's sanity at the age of two for wanting a Chelsea jersey. "Maybe he just likes the colour?" I offered to console the heartbroken father.

I recently became a fan of Chelsea, feeling like I have to support them through their wins and losses... especially gutted at the loss of the Champion's League Final. I'm noticing that fanhood touches you in a place of pride and can make you say and do things you didn't know were in you. I don't have a deep, gutteral fanhood that's run from birth. Indeed, I think my parents are a bit confused about my conversion to sports fan "you were watching a sports game? and you're talking to us about it? are you really our daughter?" I'm beginning to notice that there are different personalities to the different team's fans. Arsenal fans are loyal and honorable. Chelsea more serene. Man U... can be pricks, like all people who will lie, cheat, and steal to win. I've been accused of only liking Chelsea because they're doing well this year. I don't know anything about their past. I know what I like. I've been told you can't change your allegiance. You can't talk to people or be friends with other team's supporters. It's INSANE. I almost expect football themed weddings.

I don't know how well Chelsea will do next year, but I think I'll be ok being a fan. I do know that I was severely disappointed when they lost. I felt for John Terry. I read his letter to his supporters. I didn't blame his tears. I connected with him. If this is what it means to be a fan, then I am. I don't think I have to support everything they do. I don't know what's going on with all this firing Avram business, but I do admit I'm nervous about it.

The problem that arises, is that you get all this hype... the competition, the challenge, the angst, and then it's over and you have to wait till next season. I feel like I've just been dropped from a high place. How can I just turn off the interest till they can play again? It's like falling in love with a man and then going on a long holiday to separate places. It doesn't really seem fair.

Something makes me feel like being a sports fan is like wanting to be part of a community. Wanting to take part in something great. In celebrating the power of the human form. Celebrating justice and fairness and competition. It has something of honor in it and wanting to connect with it. You know something about people when they tell you what team they support. Being a fan lets you in on the victory and share in the defeat. It can run as deep as family, as religion, as salvation to some. I don't know if I'll ever take it that far, coming to sport later in my life, but I have to admit, when I see a little boy or girl in a jersey of Chelsea blue, I feel a little warm spot in my heart. I feel like they might grow up to be dignified and honorable, and maybe a little bit solemn at games, and it makes me proud.