listening is the solution

I had coffee with a friend today. She's been having a hard time. She left church for a while. She's usually angry with God about something. She's in an AA program and going strong. She always feels like if she just lived however she wanted things would be so much easier. Despite that, she never chooses to do that.

Every few weeks or months we get coffee and talk and catch up. She's busy, work is good/bad. I love talking with her. She's usually down on herself, but I love listening to her.

Today she told me she left pastorate because people were fed up with her. They didn't know what to say when she was ranting about being angry with God anymore.

But, she never really wanted them to say anything, just listen. Just pray for her. Just be there.

Why is it that we always feel like we have to fix things?

Really, they weren't sick of her, really, they felt that they weren't enough when they didn't have the answers. Really, her questions pointed to something they felt was lacking in themselves, not in her.

Sometimes it's harder to let the big questions wash over us and not let go as we learn to paddle. The big questions rarely have a solution, but rather, we have to learn to work through them.

My friend's never asked anyone to fix her problems for her, just listen to how she was feeling. Her feelings may be unreasonable. They may be frustrating. They may be unhelpful. But they are real feelings, and leaving her on her own to sort them out is probably going to slow the process rather than catalyze it.

Sometimes being in community is just being there and listening.