Family vs Community: A false dichotomy

So today I had lunch with a friend who's desperately seeking a mate, a husband, a partner, a soul mate, someone to cuddle up with, someone to take out the bin, someone to be her other half, her better half, etc.

Again, a friend of mine is getting divorced and is separated from his wife, by his wife's request, and has been for about 6 months... he wants to find someone to share his life with, so he can be comforted and comfort, so he can celebrate things and be celebrated... I felt like his text message was reciting vows... and oddly, it made me really mad.

I didn't understand why at first... then I thought maybe it's cause I haven't been married, so that sort of means I don't have anyone to share my life with... but, I do...

I have several communities... I have my family, and I work hard to be close to my family. I have my friends in the US, my besties, my DPs, and they are awesome... my first port of call for life choices and decisions.

I have my church communities in both the US and London, full of loving and godly people who help me and listen to me. People to have a cup of tea with or a pint, depending on the occasion.

I've got my work community, where people are not as close, yet they tend to see me the most. They will give advice, share some tea and several shots at the end of a term. They understand many of my life choices. They are good listeners and fun people.

So... I get the idea of having one person who's always there, but isn't it unfair to ask someone to do that? I'm not saying don't get married, I'm talking about the false dichotomy of family or community.

I've seen it over and over again that people who are active in their communities as single people meet someone or get engaged and drop out of the universe. They make excuses about responsibilities, which everyone has, and when they do show up, they act like the suddenly don't understand community anymore, because they're married.

But, married people should be part of communities. If anything, people need to share their hearts and lives with more than just one person. While I'm sure it's amazing having a husband or wife, that person is not the only person who can speak truth to you. That person is not the only person that you can speak truth to.

Married people may be busy planning things and setting up the house, but close friends can help with that. Close friends can help you get through the transitions from single-hood to married-dom. Close friends can give you something to obsess about other than that your significant other didn't flush, left his socks out, or whistles in his/her sleep.

Community can give you someone else's heart to tend, and ironically, tending it helps tend your own.

What made me mad about my friend's comment is that he's clinging to one person and not sharing himself with everyone else who loves him. He's assuming he can only share his heart with one person and it leads to the conclusion that if you don't have a significant other, then you don't have anyone to share your life with.

I defy that assumption and the false dichotomy it makes. I hope that even when I am with someone that I will still care about my friends and my community and that together as a couple we can make it a better, more friendly, safer, and more hospitable place.