Your Ghost is Found

"I won't let you close enough to hurt me. I won't ask you, you to just desert me. I can't give you what you think you give me. It's time to say goodbye to turning tables." 

"Where love is lost your ghost is found." Adele 

Why is it that sometimes it is so easy to go back to what we know? The ghost of failed relationships, friendships renewed can sometimes haunt us even when we have turned over the leaf, and move forward, tentatively, not too familiarly, into friendship. 

But it feels all too much like trying to reinflate a shrunken balloon. The air has leaked out. The relationship didn't work. Time has passed and the scars are healed, but everything is still too familiar. 

The sound of his voice. The kinds of jokes he cracked that made you smile. The sinews of muscle you used to feel so comfortable making your own. The nook in his shoulder you owned. The smell of his hair. 

It doesn't matter that it's been months or years, it was yours, and you're over it, but the familiarity... the familiarity is still there. 

And I don't necessarily think this familiarity is limited to me. I don't want to be the ghost that haunts anyone, and I'm getting the feeling I am. "I can't give you what you think you give me." I can't be that person for you anymore... I can't. I can't. Not just for me, for you too.