Someone Else's Shoes or Getting Out of Your Head

I live a few thousand miles away from most of my friends and family. We are super close, though, so there's lots of skype and phone time, emails galore, and online picture albums to keep in touch.

One thing I've noticed about being the one who lives so far away is I'm usually the one that people can come to and talk about things. Because I'm "not there" I'm more objective, there's less of a chance I'll blab, and since I'm so far away, talking to me is the equivalent of writing it in a journal and burning it.

The thing I've noticed for some of my family and friends is that when in a situation, it's so hard to take yourself out of it and put yourself in someone else's perspective, position, shoes, whathaveyou. This is where I step in... "lay it on me. I can take it."

When I was in college, I think the most important thing I learned about people, but specifically children (in an Education class) was the difference between reacting and responding.

Reactions are sudden, gut-impulse behaviors that usually lash out because of something someone says or does (or you think they say or do). Phrases like "Your mom!" and "Well what the hell do you know anyway?!" Tend to be reactions. So is face slapping, door slamming and the like.

Responses look more slowly at the situation, at what you know of that person, at the situation and the context, and then determine a behavior or speech that gets at the heart of what's going on. These tend to be more boring and not included on Reality TV shows like Jersey Shore and the Bachelorette... No one wants to see "I understand that you're not feeling well, but please don't shout at me." Unless it's followed by "I'll shout at who-eva-da-F**** I WANT!"

It's such a blessing to be able to talk with my friends and help them get out of their own heads and look at situations differently. To have friends who ask me "Am I crazy?" and "Does that make sense?" and for me to say "YES! It does make sense. No you aren't crazy." Or sometimes "Uhh,... actually that's a bit crazy... have you though about this?"

It's amazing that they help me do the same... sometimes the storm of thoughts inside my brain just throws me in a deluge. And they usually look at me via skype "Ughh.. yes, you're mad as a hatter, but I still love you."

It seems that those people at a loss are those who just don't talk to anyone... Those who keep it all bottled up and looking like it's fine. The people who have secret medications and secret relationships... Secrets can be toxic. When we let things out in the open, it's amazing to see other people open up and say "Me TOO. I just didn't want to tell anyone."

All of us are programmed to be biased towards our own opinions and ideas. We all need people who we can spout our ugliness at and they can say "Have you ever thought about this?..." The past few weeks I've been able to serve in this role when it comes to some relationships around me and it's been really cool hearing some friends say "Ya know, I never thought about it this way. Thanks." And to that I say, NO, thank YOU for being brave enough to be honest and then brave enough to listen.