Hey Girl: "Let's do all the things that you wanna do..."

For a while now I've been seeing the "Hey Girl..." posters on facebook and various blogs around the internet. Hunky Ryan Gosling and a Hey Girl phrase... something ridiculous that I usually cringe at when I read it... something men don't usually say... which is part of the humor and charm.

But... is it funny because it's true, funny because these are the sort of things women do with their girlfriends, or funny because secretly (or maybe not so secretly) we want a partner like this?

Recently, the issue (or opportunity) of singleness has been in the media, in articles, and in social science more and more... for some reason, long term relationships either aren't happening or aren't lasting, even though people say they want them to...

In Relevant magazine's article "You never marry the right person," Timothy Keller argues that "some people in our culture... are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires." 


While searching for someone like this isn't wrong, it might be spreading too small of a net... if that metaphor makes any sense. The reason we live in community is that we have many emotional needs and desires and the body of the community works together for one another. Marriage can be incredibly fulfilling but it can't completely fulfill... so why should we expect our partner to completely fulfill us and dismiss someone if he/she can't? Professor Hauerwas, whom Keller quotes, goes so far as to question "personal fulfillment" as a purpose and/or outcome of marriage.

Getting back to the "Hey Girl..." humor. It would be a bit weird if guys talked like this... I don't really want guys to read my mind or give in to my every desire. It sort of makes them invisible or just accessories to my single life. I like the give and take relationships bring because it helps me to experience new things... rock climbing, kayaking, hiking in new places, visiting new museums, new kinds of food, new family traditions, new jokes... all brought to my life experience from guys having their own lives and not just melting into mine.

I wouldn't love 24 or have watched all the Star Wars movies (which are epic... especially 5), I wouldn't have read certain books... (even Pride and Prejudice was recommended to me by one of my high school boyfriends... I know, right?!).

So my point is, I suppose, that women want to be listened to... (I suspect men would like this as well)... but listening isn't the same as reading minds or always giving into someone else's desires. Maintaining separateness, I think, is really important in relationships even as 2 people become more attached and intimate with one another. Even though Ryan Gosling is pretty attractive, I'd get pretty bored if he gave in to everything I wanted... and in the mockingly reassuring menace of Ace Ventura "let's do all the things that YOU wanna do!"