Woman Hate in the News: Beware of Rant

WARNING: Angry Post to Follow 
For the past few weeks, it's been barrage after barrage of women's rights in the news. From the disgraceful rantings of Rush Limbagh, to the asinine comments by Karl Lagerfield about Adele's weight, to ridiculous laundry tags, to Santorum attacking single mothers and other Republicans propogating the "Single Mom Conspiracy"... I've had it. 


It seems like women cannot win... if we stay home and look after our children, we're horrible wasters of our education and skills, if we don't have children or hire au pairs while we work, we don't care about our children or are cold, heartless bitches, if we are thin we have eating disorders, if we're a bit bigger, we're unhealthily fat... if we have health issues that require hormone therapy (aka birth control), we're prostitutes and sluts, and while we're being called all these names, we also need to make sure everyone's laundry is done, cause God forbid traditional gender roles weren't followed. 


This is utter bullshit, but... 

Circa Etiquette of a Lady blog

If we're gonna go with traditional gender rules, as if they matter, let's think about who's not fulfilling them more... men, lately, or women. 


This article, from Esquire, circa 2009, by the sometimes controversial Tom Chiarella, describes some endearing and some innocuous habits of "men". More recently, commenting on the "Mancession", he refutes whistleblowers that men are on the decline in his nonchalant manner. 


And I don't think men are on the "decline" so to speak... but I'm seeing a lot of hate towards women in the media, and if we're going to hit up traditional gender roles, men aren't looking too good. 


I can only speak of the men that I've known, that I see... and as a woman, I'm going to play a terrible line and say that few men line up to my dad and my grandfathers... even my brothers are shining knights compared to some of the jokers I've met. 


From growing up in my family, I've learned some things about men, as follows: 

1. They may or may not be chatty as the fancy strikes them. 
2. They can fix it, even if it doesn't look pretty when they're done. 
3. By hell or high-water, they will find a way to provide for their families. 
4. They appreciate a warm meal, but won't really say much about it. 
5. Same goes for clean clothes, a hot shower, or a nice cool pool, depending on the need. 
6. They love gear. 
7. They will get up at 4am to go to work 50 hours a week, and they want you to get up with them. 
8. A cold beer is the reward of yard work. 
9. Presentation matters (whether they comment about it or not). 
10. They will judge other men on their manliness (being their bitchiness). 

From cars to computers to construction, my dad can sort it out... my brothers as well, with varying levels of success. They don't forget anniversaries or birthdays, and usually plan a bit ahead for their women's special days. They want to reap something from their labor. They may not always be jumpy and happy, and may often be considered morose and serious on occasion, but they are men. 

When I look at the problems mentioned above, women's weight, laundry, and the "Single Mom Conspiracy"... When I read Tom Chiarella talking about the nonsense of "Mancession"... (and I know he's right)... I just think, why are the assholes getting the headlines? Take a poll of single moms... you'll find out how badly they'd love to marry a man who doesn't abuse them emotionally, physically, who doesn't cheat, who isn't addicted, who's not a thief... go ahead, ask them. Not that it's all the man's fault, but, it's not all the woman's fault either... and it's certainly not a conspiracy. 

Mrs. Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
Mr. Smith: I don't like 'em.
Mrs. Smith: You'll get used to them... 

Ask the women with body issues, or even anyone with a nice body, how much WORK it is to stay thin... how much they don't eat, how often and for how long they exercise, how many hours and dollars they spend on waxing, dying, trimming, shaving and tucking their bodies into something the media will deem "the norm"... Ask the women with anorexia and bulemia who much they hate themselves. Ask the women with those nice curvy thighs how difficult it is to find pants to fit them, how they constantly diet, how they try to like themselves... Ask the woman who works 40 hours a week, takes care of her kids, feeds her husband and goes to bed with a stress headache every night how much she'd like a holiday that meant she didn't have to pack everything and feed everyone the entire time. How she wishes she had more of a partner. How she's angry so it's hard to stay close to her husband... Go ahead, ask her if she wants to do more laundry--I dare you. 

I'm not going to vilify men... God knows both men and women have our own issues, individually and collectively... I know that I am very lucky to have really strong models of male leadership in my life... people who haven't abused me, men who have provided for me, encouraged me, spent time with me, loved me the way little girls are supposed to be loved by their dads and grandpas and brothers... I know that it's not this simple for everyone else. Life sucks. Families hurt each other. People hurt each other... most likely because we are hurt... It's complicated, I get it. But there is no reason for so much woman-hate in the news. If you don't understand woman issues, either stay quiet (like my dad) or educate yourself... don't broadcast yourself to the world as an ignorant asshole.