Fasting from Women??

This past week I was talking to a friend who is a youth group leader. One of her young friends informed her that he couldn't really spend time with her or talk to her because he was encouraged to "fast from women".

Fasting is a religious experience to bring someone closer to God. In order to discipline our minds and our bodies, we will forego something for a limited time in order to be closer to God. People fast from food or drink, or sometimes from activities like the computer or television.

I've heard books like "I kissed dating goodbye" and other practices like not dating for fixed periods of time in order to focus on God.

But I find these practices counter-productive when it comes to women or any kind of relationship for that matter.

While I'm a big proponent of "man time" and "girl time", while I understand the need to discipline our hearts and our desires, I honestly don't think "fasting" is the key. As we grow up we learn to develop relationships with the opposite sex of all ages and roles in our lives, from grandparents, to mentors, close friends of all ages and sexual relationships.

How can Christian men learn how to have authentic and godly relationships with women if they never come in contact with them? Since this "fasting" applied to his youth group leader, does it also apply to family? "Sorry grandma, I can't talk right now, I'm fasting from your kind..."

I feel like the idea of "fasting" from women also objectifies them, turning them into a commodity that's used or not used, like food or meat, or anything else. While it is important to discipline ourselves, I also feel like isolating ourselves from these things also can idolize them in our minds and create more damaging associations than helpful, nourishing ones.

I think it also makes the same mistake some Asian cultures make when they place the blame on the women for men lusting after them. "If I don't talk to women or interact with them, I won't lust after them." Just like some Asian cultures say "If I can't see the shape of a woman I won't lust after her." Lust is a condition in our hearts, not something driven by our eyes.

Stereotypes saying that men are more visually stimulated than women have recently been found to be untrue, showing that some women actually want sex more than men, and are just as visually stimulated (think about that, the next time you're mowing the grass shirtless, guys)...

"Fasting" from relationships seems counter-intuitive to being in the body of Christ. Instead of men and women learning how to love and appreciate one better, it almost seems like hiding with a very religious name.

While, in my life, I have had the desire to give up on men and become a nun, I don't think it's a viable option for everyone, so we'll have to do things the hard way--negotiating relationships and working on ourselves so that one day we can be good partners to some lucky guy or gal.